So sorry, Fran. This is totally rotten stuff to have to put up with.
Lil puts record on turntable, cranks Victrola, record spins. No need to turn the volume up. Familiar tune.
ETA: Re the note: I fear that it's just vague enough that he can pretend not to understand what you're getting at. And also the "we" talk is a way of YOU not stating clearly what you plan to do. When you talk about what "we" need to do, the other person can derail plans by simply not cooperating.
Can you figure out a short, clear, unemotional statement about what YOU are going to do? Something like: "I am committed to making the holidays as pleasant as possible for us and the children, but afterward, I'm going to look for an apartment," or "I expect you to look for an apartment."
Much scarier than a more cordial statement but more difficult to pretend not to understand.
