I started reading up on hydrocodone dependency and came to the conclusion that after five weeks, I had become dependent on my vico-profen-happiness-inducing-miracle-pills. Scary.
I got a prescription for vicoprofen at the Emergency Room, and took one pill at bedtime to help me sleep. This was before the surgery, and that was about two weeks. After the surgery, at the surgeon's recommendation I went to two every four hours. That seemed like a lot to me even then (and the drug-induced haze was SOOO lovely) that after the first three days, I went to one pill every four hours, then five hours, then six hours. Then I waited 12 hours to take the next pill. That's when I started reading. AND having muscle spasms in my legs (both of them), diarrhea, the depression that RJ referred to, and just generally back to my normal state of feeling like sh!t.
So that's where I am now. Welcome back.
I do miss my fur people very much. The dogs are at bf's house and he goes to see them every day. Except for the dogs I don't have any desire to see the inside of his wreck of a house any more (although there's a lot of my stuff there). At my house, I have the cats confined to a couple of rooms so they can't trash the entire premises. I need to get out there... today I may call a friend to help me. My late husband's cousin is the most likely person. Seeing me in bad shape will make her feel stronger, as she is always the one who needs rescuing. Plus she's the least likely of all my friends to be totally grossed out by the cat quarters.
Bf has taken his mom for her next chemo, so (TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLY) I'm completely off his radar. I'm here at the apartment alone, and where a few days ago when I was UI and felt happy about everything, today it feels like a prison.
I haven't worked for these past however many... gosh, it's been around a month!... so no money coming in. Tricare didn't want to pay my ER bill of ~$5,000-- must contest that as soon as I can locate my wits.
Reality sucks.
More ranting: Okay. Last night we went to retrieve my truck (which he drives) at the repair place. It needed some routine but expensive work (which I paid for, since it's my truck... but that's another conversation). While I was driving him he said he had had this really strange pain around his mid back most of the day. He described it as sort of a cramp. Well, when he said that, I went on alert. I didn't say anything, but mercifully, he said, "It kind of scares me." I said, "When you've had any heart issues, any pain in your thoracic area ALWAYS pushes the alarm button." Then I asked, "You can always take a nitro pill to see what effect it has. Do you have nitro pills with you?" He said, "They're at my house." So as we talked about other stuff, I drove over there. When we pulled up, he said, "You don't have to be here." I said, "You were going to get your nitro pills." So he went in and got them.
This morning, I saw them sitting on the table. He took a computer bag with him to go with his mom, so he'd have something to do. The chemo thing is a long process. I said, "Why don't you put those nitro pills in your briefcase so you'll have them?" He said a flat "NO!" as he walked out the door.
This is my major gripe with him (and his mom and I have even discussed this while we've been here for many hours alone). He will not be told what to do. His mom asked him to mail some letters the other day, and he said "no." He told her the mailbox was just downstairs and she could do it herself. After he left, she said to me, "He was walking right past the mailbox, why couldn't he just mail them?" I said, "Because he's [name]."
Back to the nitro. So a few minutes later he comes back in (this is typical-- it usually takes him three exit-entrance rounds before he is really out the door. He walks around the living room and grabs a couple of things, and I see him casually take the nitro pills and put them in his pocket. WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?
Why couldn't he have just taken the g.d. things? [rhetorical question- no answer needed] He just does these gratuitously rude mean things for no apparent reason other than to assert his personal sovereignty.
