At 9:00 last night, WAW called gave phone to 5D to let me talk with her. She started by saying WAW would not read her bedtime stories. I suggested it was late. 5D said yeah. She misses me and we talked about giant yard Santa we just put up, things we would do next time she was with me, how much she misses me etc.. 5D said she loves me more than the whole wide world. I said I love her more than 2 whole worlds. She replied I love you more than every world, laughing. WAW and I did not talk.
Positives 1)I got to talk to 5D, she sounded very happy to speak to me and clearly missed me. 2)Whether it was because 5D missed me and wanted to talk or WAW doing something nice, I was being thought of. 3)WAW has only done this once before and she really had other motives when she did month ago. 4)5D spoke of lot of things we have done, thus WAW is hearing and seeing the fun we are having from 5D. 5)Easily in a great mood to hear 5D voice, cheerful, excited, etc..
Negatives 1)Well not talking to WAW put me kind of down for a bit. Must work on keeping the PMA.
Thoughts - 1) When I was very lonely and hurt missing 5D and WAW, I did exactly the same thing. Perhaps, she is starting to have similar feelings. 2) In Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, Gray talks about women from time to time get in a hole and have a hard time getting out. He speaks about how there is really nothing men can do to avoid this and all they can do is give them what they need. I believe by leaving her alone and being dark I am doing what she needs. I also believe that by my WAW picking up 5D and spending time with 5D instead of working to exhaustion will bring her the happiness she needs to climb out.
You sound like a great father. I'm impressed. I'd read your W's actions as a positive. I've seem too many couple use children as a weapon and yours clearly isn't
You sound like a great father. I'm impressed. I'd read your W's actions as a positive. I've seem too many couple use children as a weapon and yours clearly isn't
Trying to be. Went to 5D school just a bit ago to purchase ornament 5D made. This actually gave me the idea to make some next time she is with me. Anyhow, 5D was really excited to see me. Hugs, kisses, etc... She had on new pants and belt but the church shoes I had bought a few weeks ago. This time WAW has with 5D would be the first time WAW would have had the opportunity to see them. This is a 180 for me because I always left these kind of matters for wife. It also shows me that 5D wanted to wear these shoes as opposed to the 2 or 3 other pairs of church shoes she could be wearing today. Just another small thing that puts me in their thoughts.
As a brief review, my WAW kicked me out of house, put every bill in her name, sold mini-van, purchase GT6, mailed papers 11/19, met to discuss papers 11/29, even changed the front door 1st week I was gone.
Now, I finally get an uninterrupted period of darkness. All contact with WAW can be avoided except for Sunday morning to pick-up 5D. I supppose re-reading a good bit of the "going dark" forum today and deciding about what I am going to do Friday and Saturday has left me in a more detached mode. I know leaving her alone and the darkness is best for her and ME. Also, going to learn how to crochet an afghan for 5D while I do laundry Saturday morning. Small parts of GAL.
Question - 1)Do 'special' days such as dating anniversary on 19th, wedding anniversay on 2lst, and holiday season mean something to WAW or do these days get "reprogrammed" like all other memories?
Thought - My WAW will be bringing 5D to my place X-Mas eve at 8:00pm. So, my 4 weeks of darkness will end. Hard to imagine this meeting. She could simply honk horn and have 5D run inside as she leaves or we can play Santa, or or or... Regardless, I will continue to improve my life for 5D and myself. But with all of these days, it makes me wonder if WAW will do anything different.
Well, last Thursday I requested to pick-up 5D from school every day WAW could not. I did this because I can and I do not think it is the best interest of 5D to be picked up by MIL or FIL and sit at their house or at his work when she can be given something more stable. So, Wednesday and Thursday she text messages me saying she would pick-up 5D. Both times she added unnecessary information such as "hope ya'll had a good time" or "at workshop". Well, Friday no text message and no calls. I find it odd. However, I did not contact WAW. I feel as if I do then she will be angry at me for bringing it up. By not calling, she must deal with her choice and potential guilt by simply not doing what is in the best interest of 5D.
My next day with 5D is Sunday before church. I am curious if WAW will call to confirm my usual 9:00am arrival. If not I may have to break darkness for sake of 5D. I suppose late tonight I can text message if I have not heard from WAW.
Friday night plans got blown to bits, ended up asleep at 7:30pm..woke at 1:30..yuck...hard to GAL in such a rural area when your best friend is your WAW.
Two weeks ago, she was scared to death, lonely in an empty house, looking into meeting people online, chastising people who she thought would support her, and of course telling everyone she possibly can that we are getting a D. Says I am sick and I am acting nuts. I do not understand that statement but it's the way she feels. Maybe me being detached at our restraunt meeting gave her pause.
I think more than ever, I need to remain completely dark. Maybe reach out to one mutual friend and say that I am GAL and do not want to talk about her anymore. Or leave it a mystery. Who knows. She definitely is not doing anything to initiate anything worthwhile except email about wanting money.
After an hour of thought, two weeks is a long while especially with last restraunt meeting contact in between. Seeking out someone else with one of those meet someone online sites within last week is discouraging to say the least. I know anyone she talks or whatever with is only a band-aid. Wanting to talk to old friends could be encouraging. Her lonliness and fears might be encouraging. The "I am sick and I am acting nuts" is probably just her way to blame me and not feel her own guilt. Especially the acting nuts. All I do is show 5D a good time. I have not even contacted anyone that we both know for at least two weeks. Maybe she can begin a period of pause, especially with dating anniversary, 19th, wedding anniversary, 21st, and x-mas just around the corner.
Regardless, she has thrown me to the curb. I will continue to build my new life around learning from mistakes, learning to communicate with others better, GAL, and being the best father I can be. This may not win her, but I'll win myself.
Maybe reach out to one mutual friend and say that I am GAL and do not want to talk about her anymore
Upon further thought, I imagine this is just a bad idea. She reached out to her friend, that does not support what she is doing and has not spoken with for months, missing her and wanting I guess to talk. Hardly matters what I say to WAW. So, WAW getting any information 2nd hand is about like telling the tree in the yard what I am doing. Only approach is to remain completely and totally dark. This will give both WAW and myself time. Less time thinking about her and her actions would be a good start for me. I must believe this is best. And continue to hope and pray that something gives her pause.
I suppose, if nothing changes before new year's, I might go get rest of my stuff. If anything is going to change it would be around 19th, 21st, or x-mas. Getting my unimportant junk/stuff might eliminate bad reminders of me. It would be a 180 because I have not asked about it for months and it would show I am trying to move on with my life. I've not gotten it mostly hoping I would not have to get it.
