Actually all considered I think that we had an ok evening last night. I was playing against the OM and then we had a few drinks afterwards. It was good and I was in complete control of my emotions which surprised even me.
When I got home my W asked me how it was and I told her. It was a good calm and factual discussion. I rubbed her shoulders as she was playing on line backgammon.
Today is her birthday, I have nothing special planned, just a booking for day at the Spa and we are going to a basketball game tonight. She has never been so it should be fun and light easy evening.
The only thing that did disturb me was that after our melee the day before she said that she has nothing to live for and is all depressed. She also said that I probably have nothing to live for either. I figure a big part in that thinking is that our baby making and infertility treatments were all put on hold in essence by her when she had the A so chances are we will never have children, only each other.
I think that I am slowly coming to the reality of the whole matter and how much my W drove the love out of our marriage and created and alternate reality.
I wonder what or how when I am what appears to be a good husband and nothing happens and I used to get all sad and feel sorry for myself. I am sure I still will do that, but I am getting better at it and see that she is so confused and messed up in ways I cannot imagine. I can smile and tell jokes about any subject, she knows that she has entered a whole new reality with her lies and her deception.
I have had a few good days after the blow up, but there has been no physical contact at all. I used to try and tough her a little at night or just give a kiss hello or goodbye, I am not doing anything at the moment.
Just babbling on because I have to I guess. It is so hard because I feel that things are improving yet my W is still in another world most of the time, I will keep smiling and keep at it the best I can and I wish everyone a splendid weekend. I am working all weekend and late tonight so there will be lots of space for her. I am just hopeful that maybe it will be good and revealing for her.
I have been busy with work and no internet connection. Here is an update and hopefully some inspiration for the Christmas season,
I did a 180 and truly detached in a way, I did not say I love You and there was no physical contact. For about a week we went on like this and then just on tuesday night, although inspired by some wine, my W broke down and cried for the first time since the Bomb, she said she loves me and that I am her best friend.
The last few days have been nice to say the least and I have tried just to stay as a friend and not put any pressure on her. I know it will still take a long time.
I guess the real lesson in all this is that doing a 180 and detaching is effective even if it seems so strange at the time.
I know that we are not out of the woods and that there is much work, she suggested we go out for dinner some time to talk and again I am waiting for her lead.
We also made love and it actually felt like love.
So things appear to be moving along and moving in the right direction.
I also had a friend from here who I have been in regular email contact and I cannot begin to tell how much it has helped me. If you can find someone to help directly like that, jump on it.
I can try and will, so I am always here at henrik@londeninc.com
That's fantastic news to hear! Keep up the good work. And like you said, no pressure. Take the time to cultivate that love and continue living your life for you!
Latest Thread
Me: 39/W: 37 D13-D11-S8 M/T 14/20
EA confirmed: 9/13/07 D-Bomb: 9/19/07 OM Gone since 12/18/07 W wants to fix marriage: 3/16/07
A little snowy but it is nice since it covers up and a lot of the grey,
I had a horrible evening on friday, my situation is that I or we see the OM socially a fair bit. It cannot be avoided unless we expose the A and radically change our social and athletic activities.
I do observe him and I think now that he is pursuing other women, had it not happened with my W I would not even notice. He also has very few male friends I noticed. So I brought it up and we just had a bad night talking back and forth about nothing in a way but I just felt angre and rage.
Yesterday was better, I had to work, so during the day I got an email from my W that stuff like the above does not help us get our relationship back on track. We had a wonderful evening with some friends and also ML.
The nice thing is that even with a set back and spinning over the past, we were able to recover and get back on track so to speak.
Now there will be shovelling for us here, but it is good shovelling,
I guess it is because the OM is aloof and avoids me, and my W says what else could he do, it makes me feel that if he is not man enough to stand up for what he did, then I think he is up no good.
He was my "friend" and my W and the OM were friends so when I see him with some other ladies, having one more drink I cannot but think that here is another "friendship" that can turn into something slightly more devastating,
I don't know any details, but I don't think his marriage is getting better so it adds to it.
As far as the rollercoaster it is unbelievable, comes and goes,
Not very much happening, just living day by day. Last night I went to the club for some curling and the OM is also there so my W is not allowed to go. She said sarcastically have fun and I can't come, I thought well you made the bed and in a way that is true, but it is also true that why should the OM be allowed to go in a way. I don't know if I will bring this up with my W that I understand, it might be a good thing.
We have a few christmas parties and then it is a week with my parents and family in the country. I think that it will be ok, the mood at home has improved from where she said all but a few weeks ago that she is dreading it, to now probably being able to have some fun and enjoy it.
I have prepared some mushy and romantic christmas cards and stuff and we will have our celebrations on saturday. I hope it is not too much but we shall see.
Merry Christmas Everyone and Wishing you all the best in repairing your relationships and for a happy or happier new year,
I personally would not want my wife around someone who has intimate knowledge of her. I would just know every time he looks at her he would be having sexual flashbacks etc. She definately shouldn't go there when he is there. Personally I would stop the activity and focus on the marriage.
