Well CE and Mojo have both hit the nail on the head that H would bounce back and forth with attempt to reconcile. His text to me on Weds morning to say he was feeling panicked and could we talk resulted in a totally stupid discussion regarding what his complaints are - "don't cook for me because you're a terrible cook/why do I never get any dinner" "now I'm doing all my own laundry what do I need a wife for" (he took over doing his laundry because I didn't always get ALL his shirts in the wash in time for the cleaner to iron them when she comes on Fridays. Apart from the first couple of weeks he has never achieved this feat either.) And get this - "there's no point us having sex because I've told you the coil threads make it painful for me" WTF?!? he's told me ONCE that it's a little unconfortable in some positions. Apparently this has been the case since it was put in 4 years ago and it's been getting worse. So now I know why I'm on SSM.
So that's is his laundry list of things a good wife ought to be doing for him.
Don't count: Mothering his kids 90% of the time Doing ALL the grocery shopping - including hauling it all home Organising house repairs Repainting the bathroom Working 3 days a week Organising house remortgage Day to day housework Walking the dog (he's dropped doing his share of that) Tending to the Garden
NOT servicing the car NOT managing the household finances
These last two are things he agreed to take over when I went back to work because I was doing 100% of all domestic duties leaving him free to concentrate solely on breadwinner role.
The car got clamped in August because the tax disc was out of date, because the car hadn't been serviced and tested roadworthy so it wasn't possible to renew the tax disc. So guess who goes to the car licensing office to pay the fine, renew the disc, and then take the car to be MOT'd (roadworthiness test). It's still not had a proper service.
This last month or two has been a nightmare on the household finances because we finally reached the limit of our overdraft, a couple of heavy expenses came through and I had to go and raid the kids college fund to tide us over. This is purely and simply bad management, as when I was doing it (and not working therefore not earning) we managed on less money and it never came to that.
Anyway all that aside, as I say it was a completely pointless discussion. He backpedaled completely on the idea that he is done. Totally DENIED that he said he is leaving. This is total BULLSH!T I would not be on the point of considering whether to let his parents know if he hadn't come off as 100% sincere, and that I was 100% sincere in acknowledging that decision. The only reason I didn't say - well you might not have had enough but I have - is that he would have succeeded yet again in making it all my fault. Over the last day or two I'm beginning not to care about that. If it's my fault/his fault who cares. I know this R is doomed, it can't get better, it's not doing the kids any good and my life is on hold unless I take control of it again.
He has said ILY at least 3 times since this happened. I have not answered him. Last night I got home from my book club Xmas outing at about 1am. Still buzzed I set about decluttering the living room and kitchen ready for the cleaner's weekly visit. Cursing H for not doing it but not at all expecting that he would have. While I was doing this, he came downstairs, apologised for not doing it and took over. I went upstairs to pick stuff up around the bedroom and then went to bed.
This goody two-shoes behaviour on his part is surely that of a man who knows he's living on borrowed time.
The worst part is knowing that as Eddie says I'M going to have to send him on his way. I knew it was too easy when he'd said he'd had enough and all I had to do was say "well done for being brave enough to say so".
Time for me to be brave. Just what you need 2 weeks before Christmas.
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
