What a good year this has been.....

[forever21]

Hey Girl!!

Stay strong. You are doing well!
Remember to say, "sorry you feel that way" when he puts the blame on you. Or end the convo, saying you need to run out or something to do with the dogs. Do that every time the blame thing comes up.
He should soon get the hint that you will not accept that without having to say the words. Because, actions speak louder!

Hey Trip!!! Thanks! Great to hear from you here. Haha, yeah, I said a lot of "sorry you feel that way". And you know.... as much as I didn't think he felt like I understood and respected his feelings, I think I was wrong. He'd left a voicemail for me today and was very apologetic for being so "horrible", and he even said he knows I understand how he feels. That was much more surprising than the apology. It was nice, I admit. I was ending the convo actually, before I had to hang up on him the last time, so I did good there. So true about actions speaking louder than words. Thanks again, and great to see you around. You sound good.

I really disagree on this here - his pattern has been to try positive or negative influence on you to get what he wants - him coming to the table to work as a team is only because that's the only choice you've left him with, I think.

I do see that. What do you think it is he wants now? In his message today, he talked like he is confident "we will work something out". I suppose this might just be the role he plays when he's trying to use sugar rather than poison, but I haven't gotten "nice" from him in awhile. I'm really not sure how to handle him working as a team at this point. It really sucks because I can't trust him. But maybe I could be doing something with that. It makes it tough to "work with him" now, after everything. I hope I'm making some sense.

Trying.He can't succeed unless you let him.

Absolutely. I didn't let him. He only tried, because I was strong when it came to him trying to call any shots. Not happening, when it's not in my best interest. I remember my C telling me I need to be more "stubborn" to be where I should be at.

At first, because he was continuing to probe and find out what would work to get what he wanted; then when that failed, to see what he would have to agree to...

Makes sense. I can't disagree with you.

Sounds perfect...for him.

Again, on his terms and what HE needed.

I hear ya. I'm not feeling vulnerable right now to giving in to what he wants. As far as the 10 minute time out went, it wasn't all on his terms... he suggested that as an alternative to me simply ending the call for good, and I agreed to it. It was an opportunity for me to end things on a stronger note too, since I was letting him hurt me with his words. I gave myself the time I needed beyond the 10 minutes and he respected that. I know I stayed on the phone and listened to way more spew than I needed to, but I gained something out of it too. I was able to share my opinions on things, and set the record straight on my position. Maybe I shouldn't have bothered, but I said a lot of stuff I've only dreamed I could lately. Instead of protecting him from the reality of his wake, I let him have a glimpse of my view of it. I figured it could only help.

I know this is really tough, and that your emotions are all over the place from one day to the next and even from one hour to the next. But you are really doing well here. You set a very significant precedent by not giving in to the quit claim thing, now you can build on that. I guarantee you that he sat up and noticed when, after he pulled out ALL the stops to get the quit claim signed, he still failed to make you do what he wanted. And the key word there is make - because, as I recall, at NO POINT during that episode were you comfortable signing that, yet he continued to push and push and push. And yet you stayed strong.

Thanks!! I see that I've done good too. Today, I started feeling a ton better. Long before I got the voicemail from H, thankfully. Totally.... I get how controlling he acts. I told him yesterday that he might be able to still get into a house like he wanted, if he'd take care of business in the order it needs to be handled. Time will tell. I am prepared for the worst in this, but planning for the best. Old habits are hard to break, so I'm prepared for him to try to convince me I have to work and can't go to school... and even fighting over it all and forcing me into bankruptcy. If that's the case, pressure is only going to get him exactly what he doesn't want. I'm ready, nothing he can do at this point will ruin me.

Now you are in the negotiation phase. At times you may tend to beat yourself up for things you did or didn't do during the M. He may even do the same (who knows). But never forget that you are at this point for a reason (many reasons, more realistically). Do your best not to let that those doubts influence getting a fair and equitable settlement out of this, where you are aware of all the numbers, facts, etc. That's the reality of the situation AT THIS TIME, and I as well as others here have seen the strength that you have that will get you to the finish line.

Good advice! I will do my best. Thanks!

And first and foremost, no matter what, treat yourself well - you deserve it.

Okay, will do. Thank you, Kev! I sure appreciate your support. (((((Kev)))))