Pregnant and abandoned #3

[blindsided1]

Ann - I know that she isn't really important. It's telling my heart that. That's the problem. I'm trying to find the patience within me. I appreciate your posts. They really do help me regain a positive outlook. The baby is doing well we heard the heartbeat today woosh woosh. It's amazing.

WAS32- A list is a great idea. I am a total list person. Another thing I found that helps me is that I had my Mom give me her outside perspective on the whole situation and all the things that really bother me. She's great at seeing the big picture. I had her record it on a mini tape recorder and I listen to it in the morning as I get ready for work.

JennyF - I know that I sound like a broken record. I'm pretty sure that is why a lot of other DB'ers stopped posting as well. I am whining all the time and I don't kick myself in the ass enough. I know the things that I am supposed to do. I just get so gripped with fear and feel like I need to control everything that I end up making things worse for myself.

SO2 - Mornings seem to be my trigger. I'm sorry to hear about the issues with your daughter. Teenager, right? This too will work itself out, you know that. As for my H wanting to take our newborn overnight, that scares the crap out of me. I don't trust him with a newborn. He is very immature and I certainly do not want that OW getting her hands on my baby. I think she's missing a couple (or a bunch) of screws, too. I'm hanging in there. I just want it to get better soon. I'm very impatient if you couldn't tell.

Atlas - thanks for the post. It's nice to hear from a male POV. As for the sex, my husband still wants sex from me even though he is with OW. At first I thought it was a sign of love, now I just think he wants sex. In my head I really do feel that this A will not last. I just hate the waiting. I hate the fact that he is giving her the attention and affection that I deserve from him. It really hurts. But, I just try to push through. I know that he has no idea what is coming. And, I don't doubt that one day he will regret his decision to leave. I'm just afraid it will be too late. That is why I'm impatient.

Please don't give up on me. I can be a slow learning when it comes to matters of the heart. But, once it clicks, I'm off like a race horse. You'll see.