Thank you for that, my friend. I was really moved by it when I read it -- sorry I didn't let you know sooner how much it meant to me. Again, thank you!
JM,
I don't know if you'll end up reading any of this, but I do want you to know that although I didn't see eye to eye with you when I first arrived, I value your insight a great deal now. Whenever I see you post to someone, I make sure and read what you've said. Doing so helps keep me in line.
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When I look back at my own situation, my wife leaving me (jury is still out on necessity of actually divorcing me) is one of the best things that has occurred to me, in a way.
I feel the exact same way. This was absolutely necessary for helping me to extract my head from my ass. I don't think I would've ever changed if she hadn't left and stuck with it. A necessary evil. Extremely wide spectrum of positive and negative results.
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It's obvious you have all the tools. You've done all the homework. You write to others and point out to them how they can see things from their spouses perspective. You'll get a great relationship some day and make a great partner.
I appreciate you saying this, and thankfully I know you're right about your last sentence.
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Now that the flattery is out of the way I'll tell you the main point of this post. Don't be so skeptical or hardnosed about the hoops that need jumping through for reconciliation. If the day comes that she ever wants back....don't be quick to smack her down because you haven't seen the changes you want.
Maybe I shouldn't be, but I can pretty much say that I don't believe she's ever going to come back. Ever. It's okay -- it is what it is, but based on this last year and what I know about my W, I can honestly say this is it between us. Hopefully we'll be on more pleasant terms someday, but right now that's just not a possibility (esp for her -- more on that in a minute).
Thanks again, JM -- and please don't stop posting to the newcomers here. You really are a huge benefit to them, whether some of them realize it or not. Your swift kicks in the ass were good for me
SD,
Thanks for your thoughts, brotha -- things are going pretty well in terms of the D. And on that note...
Update:
So, the day has come. By the time many of you read this, I will either be in the middle of my D trial or will have already settled the case w/ my W. At the end of the day on Friday, I will officially be divorced. Many emotions have already swarmed me for the last couple of days -- relief, excitement, fear, remorse, sadness, anger, etc. I'm sure tomorrow will be the worst, but I know everything will be okay and will work itself out in the long run.
I met with my atty today to finalize all of the trial prep in case we end up going to trial tomorrow. My W did say via email yesterday that she would accept my settlement offer (but not without some very crass and sarcastic comments in saying so). However, she put in one little stipulation that really rubbed me the wrong way. She knows that I'm thinking of moving about 20-30 miles out of town next summer. It's a secluded, wooded area, and I want to buy a few acres of land and either an already built log home or build one myself. She is really angry with me for wanting to do this, and tried to put a stipulation in the decree that states I can't move out of the county we're currently in. I had my atty revise it to say I can live within 30 miles of the county line (which is right outside of town). If she doesn't accept this, then my settlement offer will go out the window and we'll let the judge decide things tomorrow.
My atty says that the judge won't have a problem with me moving out to the area mentioned above, and unfortunately my W is going to get a pretty raw deal if we go to trial tomorrow. I hope she still takes the settlement offer. Was hoping to hear back from her today on whether or not she will accept it, but she might just wait until tomorrow morning to do so (or she actually intends on going to trial). She's representing herself at this point, and has already annoyed the judge on two separate occasions.
Anyway, it looks like I'll be getting everything I want (my house, toys, inheritance money, etc) and then some if we go to trial, and for the settlement I'll getting everything I want minus a little bit of cash I offered her to help get her on her feet for the future. Sadly, she may just end up blowing it, but at least she can't say I didn't give her the means to start out independent from the time of divorce. I've helped her out so much already over the last year, I really didn't feel obligated to go out of my way anymore than I did with the cash offer. She's feeling screwed, but I can't say I honestly believe she even deserves what I offered her.
So, basically I think she hates me now (and who knows how long that will last -- maybe forever), and although I still love her I have to say that her horrible behavior over the last year has progressively made it easier for me to let go and be okay with moving on. It probably is for the best if she's going to continue being this kind of person. I can do better than that, but I still would've liked to have given it my all with the new changes for the kids' sake -- for the family's sake. Those dreams are dashed, and I'll just have to make the best of the present and future.
I'll let everyone know how it went when I get a chance tomorrow.
I can't believe this is finally coming to an end. What a crazy ride...
