I am from MLC forum, too, but I carry no 2 X 4's. I have read a little about your sitch but don't know alot.
Okay..I think I fit your category so I am going to let you know what I look for.
I was 36 when my then 39 year old XH went nuts three years ago. Left with his secretary..like a bad Lifetime movie. Fast foward to 2007 and he is a mess, would love to forget any of it ever happened and just go from there. Well, there was too much damage done. (we also had restraining orders as he was verbally nuts)
Okay, we divorced last August. I am now 39, finished my Master's of Teaching and now am a college professor at a local community college. Funny, channelling all my energy elsewhere really paid off..So, I ended up meeting my guy because he was originally from my hometown and I knew him from high school. Conveniently, he owns a landscaping business and was doing my neighbors lawn. When I asked for a quote since I was busy with school, we ended up clicking right away. It pretty much took a year to fully develop into an R.
What was I looking for? Well, I wasn't looking so that's the funny part. Are all the normal ones taken, no, they aren't because all of us on these forums married the MLC nuts..lol so, logically speaking, sane ones were the only ones single..:)
Back in the day, I was attracted towards the football hero image..looks..didn't matter about his family background or his history with the chicks. Now, I find that very important. I find that humor is a biggie if the guy gets the joke. Also, independent and can spend a night alone without panicking is key as well. The way he treats my kids is HUGE and my new guy is wondeful as he has a D, too..
loyalty, respect, humor, ambition, independence, athletic (I like when a man takes care of himself..shows self-respect) but no vanity..AS for looks, I am less impressed by pretty boys as I was married to one..Now, I think the guy could be totally average looking but as you get to know him, drop dead handsome as the R strengthens..
Don't know much about your W other than the few posts I have read..All I know is that once you aren't afraid to be alone, make peace with the life God has given you and forgive the X-spouse, it all will fall into place.
I did stand for a while but XH was a total ass. He did more than the typical MLCer as he is simply mental so enough was enough. Funny, he thought that was a turn-on when I was done with his crap. Typical..
Okay, DNQ..you sound like an okay guy for coming to the boards to find out info..and you sound like a great dad.
Didn't feel the need to let the public know my "stats" as to how I rank attracting men..but I have had my share of dates post break up and there are good ones out there. I just didn't want to date anyone other than me for a long time. I forgot who I was being married to a man who was a mess..plain and simple.
As for your wife, I think it depends on what the guy is looking for. If he is looking for arm candy or a life long partner. I think you attract the energy you give off. If your wife is nuts, she will attract a nut. I know that may sound harsh but I believe in that whole positive negative energy thing. Even if two negatives don't attract scientifically, in real-life they do. If your wife is unstable, a guy will sniff out an unstable girl to control and manipulate. You see what I mean.
Be patient, DNQ. If she was "normal" pre-MLC she will most likely come out of it. It depends on how long you are willing to wait.
