Back at DB/new marriage new WAW

[dh4320]

The other thing my c told me is to stop obsessing. He said when you can stop obsessing on what the W is doing then you can be free to work on yourself. He says when you obsess your mind starts racing and all the negatives you are thinking your S is doing you will start to believe it and it makes you sick. just thought i would throw that out there.

[ann25]

sounds like you found a good one. I've heard a lot of people say to treat your spouse like you would a friend. When they need help and ask for it, be there. If they are having a bad day listen to them if they want to talk but don't push and if they are acting crazy or hurtful, let them snap out of it on their own and come back to you.

good advice on the not obsessing... that's never a good thing.

sounds like you are doing good. Just keep going...

[dh4320]

thanks Anne,

I called our sitter who said the W was visiting with the kids. I told her i was coming by to get my son(2 1/2) to go pick up a tree and asked her if she could keep the baby until we get back. SHe said yes but talked to the W and asked if i get wait 30 minutes longer so W could spend more time with kids. I said no i have to stay to a schedule and that she can stay with the baby while S and i are out getting the tree. I told the sitter if the W does not want to see me i will call when i am in the driveway and the sitter can bring the S out. I know i am giving her a chance to not see me, but i am also trying to work with her at the same time is this dbing or not dbing its kinda gray to me ...

[ann25]

sounds good to me. i don't think i'm any good at DBing, but you are giving her an option and being understanding without being a pushover. You have plans, you keep them. Good! it seems as though she may not want to see you and you give her a way not to, but if she wants to, she could be the one to bring out your S. i think that's good all around.

[Atlas]

dh,

Ya I think it is good, in her eyes your not being controlling as before, which I'm sure she has mentioned, you weren't a push over but most importatly you put the control in her hands.

[dh4320]

Thanks guys and gals,

I went back to pick up D, and the sitter had some clothes that W had, she must not have packed them when i got the kids back from the court order. She told the sitter to point out a dress to put our D in for Christmas photos. So i start to think is she realizing that she will not have the kids over christmas or is she testing me to see if i get photos done of the kids. I think i will make an appointment with a studio to get pics done of the kids and kids with me. Also today was all setup for her to get into her new car, well she didnt do it, i TM'd the sales guy we always work with and said did oyu get the W into a car??? he did not respond. SHe was so anxious for my help yesterday to get her into a car and today she did not seem anxious, reading into too much but see that my alien W is so confused she is lost....

[dh4320]

So i just TM my W and asked her to call chrysler financial to get the payoff of the excursion. She replied asking for the phone #, i wanted to say look it up yourself but i got online and got it to her. How hard is it to look up a #?? I am having my assistant run an add for a full time nanny. I guess i need to replace what my stay at home W was suppose to do. I also think when she finds out it will be another sign that i am moving on without her, ok i had to pause in typing W just called she could have TM the info but she called instead, she sounded a little down i told her i would handle the payoff of the excursion she told me she got her nitro yesterday so i guess i was reading into too much. She sounded sick so i asked her why she hasnt gone to the Dr. She said she did not have her insurance card, i told her to make an appointment i would get her the info so she can get some treatment. I asked how the job hunting was going she said there are a lot of jobs out there for 7 dollars an hour, i said its better than nothing, no response. I asked her about the school, she asked if i was still going to pay for it? i said yes i told you i would pay for it. SHe responds with you said you would do a lot of things. I told her all this is happening so fast you need to understand i need time to process everything. She stated she wished it could move faster, i said im sure you do, she said she meant getting her own place. I did not say anything to that since i am not going to help her, dammit she just called again and said i forgot to tell you i have shoes for our D to wear in the photos. Well i am letting her come around a bit at least now she is calling. No R talks at all I asked her about counseling. She said our counselor referred someone closer to where she is staying about 30 minutes from me, she asked if i would still pay for it, again i told her i would. She is not angry on the phone so thats a big change i was kinda short on the phone, not too upbeat and not sad, stuck to the conversation at hand and thats all.....

[dh4320]

bump

[dh4320]

Hi all,

I have been thinking a little too much today about the fact that my W got rid of a vehicle and got in one she said "is only OK" so how should i feel about this, is she willing to give up everything to try this independent woman attitude?? or is it that she just cant face the facts that things have gotten so bad she cant turn back now, i told my C that this is the way the W is she will run and run and run from everything and she has been able to do that b4 since she did not have kids. I am obsessing again trying to think what is happening in my W's head someone post and give me an online slap in the face please....

[dh4320]

bump