Adventures of Supermom...JennyF's 2nd thread

[Heimlich]

I'm not an expert on this, but it's smart to protect yourself financially. It doesn't mean that you stop DBing or stop wanting to have your (non-alien) H return to you. Like you say, he's sick, and that's a great way to look at this.

All the adjectives you used to describe this step by your H -- 100% accurate.

BD

[peacetoday]

Jenny
Protect yourself and your children
I dont believe they want to hurt us deliberately
they are in a fog of denial
How else could a person just walk away especially from their kids
Your H OW 39..she might be in MLC herself- a perfect pair
so for now
take care of you
be the best mom you can
get support emotionally from IC ,boards and friends who seem to understand
I have one friend who went theu this 24 years ago with her H(They are together)
and I know another friend who left her H(she was in MLC)
20 years later she still has some guilt and regret.
her H remarried
so its good to have someone to talk with
and hang on
peace

[JennyF]

I'm feeling REALLY down today. After the bank crap yesterday I am feeling like this is hopeless. I keep looking at my sweet little boy all day and just thinking WTF happened to your father???

I also found out that last night H went to the Leafs game and both OW AND his best friend were there. I am so bothered by this.

Just when I think things can't get any worse, they do. I keep asking God for a guidance and to give me a sign that I'm on the right track to fix my marriage and then one more thing happens to push things further away from that. Is this a sign that things are not going to work out?? Or maybe it's just moving the 'bad' along quicker so he'll get through and we can move on to the good. I don't know.


Friends and family think I'm nuts because in my heart I really believe that he is sick (life crisis) and that he will eventually realize what he's doing. They don't agree. I even tell them that I don't know why I believe this so strongly in my heart...but I do.

Your H OW 39..she might be in MLC herself- a perfect pair

This REALLY interesting peace! If so, hopefully it will end twice as fast!!


I don't usually like posting these "why me?" things....but come on...WHY ME??

After all the crap that came up yesterday I get in my car to go pick up D and it won't start! I just looked up and said "why?".

I don't get it. Sorry for the pity party...I just had to get it out.
J~

[bhopeful]

Let it all out Jenny. We all have our bad days and need to vent.

I think that you're on the right track to getting yourself to a good place and that (if anything will) will be the ticket to getting your marriage back on track.

No one can tell you why all of this is happening to you. You need to accept it and deal with it using the DB principles. I think that they're your best bet and you must too since you're here. I know that you can do it because you already have been. We all need to have a pity party every once in a while, but what are you going to do that will make tomorrow better?

Sorry to hear about the car. Nothing like adding insult to injury...

Smile. It will make you feel better.
B

[phbear316]

Jenny

Its ok to have why me day. We all have them. Just keep looking into the eyes of you sweet little ones and thank god for them. You are very lucky to have the kids to keep you busy. I do not have kids so I do the thinking about H and ow all the time.

I am in the almost same situation, H and i were invited to a wedding this weekend. I never saw the invitations so I don't know if he rsvp for one, two or not at all. The wedding is for one of his friends, so all his friends he grew up with will be there. This is also the same group of friends that were at our wedding. I hope that if he is stupid enough to take ow to wedding his friends get all over his a@#. But i have no control. We also had tickets to a play in the city for same day. Worked it all out that we could do both. But H has said not one word since sept when i got the there is ow speech.

you like me have to let the game go like I have to let the play and wedding go. I know its hard, but come here to vent with others we are here for you.

I too keep asking god for a sign that I am on the right track. Waiting for the sign. But i know I will not give up. If you had a chance to read the other day a post by betterman. It was inspirational it took him two years to get his WAW back. Made me feel there is hope. I beleive god sends only sends you the things you can handle. Sorry about the car, wish I could help:(

Sending hugs and love to you, it will get better tomorrow, sometimes you have to get knocked down to be able to get up and stand taller.
Jenny put your arms around yourself and squeeze, its a hug from all of us here.

phbear

[azhira]

Friends and family think I'm nuts because in my heart I really believe that he is sick (life crisis) and that he will eventually realize what he's doing.

He he...this is why I don't talk to anyone, except for here. I feel the exact same way about xh. Maybe not an MLC, but it's definitely a major crisis for him.

Phew. Just got caught up. (Buried under work.)

BTW...my DS wouldn't sleep laying flat, either! How weird is that? It took me four months to teach him. We spent the first 2+ months sleeping in my recliner. He'd have to be at an angle, on top of me. Then we graduated to cosleeping, where he'd have be propped up on my arm. Then cosleeping beside me.

We still cosleep. (He's 13 months now.) I will work on getting him into his own bed eventually...right now, he wakes up and looks for both me and his dad in the middle of the night. That's a whole other story...lol...

I've found that the crap comes in waves. Which means, you'll get a wave of good karma soon.

[blindsided1]

Jenny
I finally got around to reading your posts. Thank you for posting on my thread before. I'm sorry that I have not returned the favor. I have no advice for you. I am in the same place. My sitch is different because I'm only 11 weeks pregnant at this point. I am still in the stage of trying to woo him back by spending time with him and telling him that the person he saw on the hormones the last 9 months is not the person I really am, he just left before that one came back. I DO admire your strength. I wish I had that strength. The only strength and DB principle I seem to be able to stick to is not calling or texting him. It's still very hard to not text him back or take his call when he reaches out to me. But, it is usually about money (he is constantly broke) or sex. Even though he left me and moved in with OW, he still wants sex from me. WTF??? is right. I dwell on him and the OW and everyone and everything tells me that it's a crazy sitch for him. She seems very needy, pretty desperate to allow a man you've only known for 3 weeks move into your home (where your children are part of the time) and she even pays his rent and paid his tuition. Better her than me. But, sometimes I wish it was still me. Okay, a lot of the time.

I hope that reading your thread will give me the inspiration to become stronger. You should hear the crap he is spewing about me breast feeding (he says that it's my body that will decide how long I breast feed) and questioning why I'm going to take the whole 12 weeks of maternity leave. I know that OW is putting this s**t in his head. Whatever. I hope they make each other miserable. Sorry, I'm bitter.

If and when I come to my senses, I will definitely post more on your thread.

[peacetoday]

J
This journey we are all on is about our growth
we learn what was wrong on our M
we try to make changes
It all hurts, but the pain subsides over time
Im starting to lose track of time now
as I start to enjoy my life again without H
he may still come home..I dont know
there was a point months ago, I couldnt bear the loss and I never thought I would heal
hang in there
do your best to Project positive toward H
do it for you and your kids
lean on God
the answers will come
peace

[JennyF]

Thanks for the support everyone!

B...

but what are you going to do that will make tomorrow better?

Called the lawyers!! I'm feeling pumped now...I'm getting this ball rolling. The way I see it is that if he really is in a life crisis, he HAS to go down this road. So maybe that IS why is it's moving so quickly!

bear...

I too keep asking god for a sign that I am on the right track. Waiting for the sign. But i know I will not give up. If you had a chance to read the other day a post by betterman. It was inspirational it took him two years to get his WAW back. Made me feel there is hope. I beleive god sends only sends you the things you can handle.

As I just mentioned I'm coming to a different place. Perhaps these things that keep happening ARE God's way of moving it along. H has to go down this road on his own and get himself right whether or not there is a chance for us. So who am I to fight it? I'm going to roll with it. It's hard...and I hate it. But maybe the quicker it happens the quicker he will come out of his fog.
As far as God only giving me what I can handle....he must really think I'm Supermom!! Thanks God!

Azhira,

I've found that the crap comes in waves. Which means, you'll get a wave of good karma soon.

You know I've always believed in karma...and for that reason I keep asking why this is happening to me? What did I do to deserve this? Well...nothing. But I'll learn from it I guess. And YES...I do believe that I have some GOOD karma to me soon! And if I truly believe in karma...then H has some serious bad karma coming his way!! Not that I wish him bad...but maybe just for unseen forces to come in and destroy his R with OW...that's all.

peace...
You always seem to be right in synch with what I'm thinking. Thanks for your encouragement.

Thanks to everyone and (((((((HUGS))))))))) right backatchya!
J~

[JennyF]

Blindsided...

You should hear the crap he is spewing about me breast feeding (he says that it's my body that will decide how long I breast feed) and questioning why I'm going to take the whole 12 weeks of maternity leave.

My H is pushing me to pump so he can take S...he's only 7 wks old! I told him 'we're not ready yet'. Anyway...YOU will decide how long you will breastfeed for...make that clear to him. 12 WEEKS mat leave??? Sorry to tell you this, but here in Canada I get a full year. I'm deathly afraid I'll have to go back at 6 months for financial reasons never mind 12 weeks! Don't you go back a second before you're ready. You will never get this time back with your baby and you need to relish and every moment you're entitled to...he's already taken enough away from you.

I am still in the stage of trying to woo him back by spending time with him and telling him that the person he saw on the hormones the last 9 months is not the person I really am, he just left before that one came back.

Errrr...have you read DR?? I have to be honest about something blindsided and I hope I don't offend you...one of the reasons why I stopped posting on your site is because it is exactly the same thing over and over. Now I know we all have a tendancy to do this...but you really keep doing what will have the OPPOSITE affect of what you want. I do stop by to read up...and see you're getting the same advice and support...but I don't see you getting it. Stop trying to woo him! Trust me I get where you are...I would give ANYTHING to go back to your stage of pregnancy and know what I know now. If I had started to DB then...I probably wouldn't be here now.
I really feel for you and I in no way mean to demean your feelings...this is still relatively new to you and time will help a lot. But you've got some great advice resourses that will help if you find the courage to implement them...I know you've got it!

I'm going to post this on your thread as well...
(((hugs)))
J~