Ice doors, coal shutes, one bathroom, no bathroom and an outhouse, hand powered water pump outside or on the porch, one Lat-bulb hanging down from the ceiling in the center of the room, chopping far-wood to cook and keep warm, BTDT.
Ain't leg-tricity and gas heat one-er-ful?
Lou, The before and after, its like living in two different countries.
I started reading up on hydrocodone dependency and came to the conclusion that after five weeks, I had become dependent on my vico-profen-happiness-inducing-miracle-pills. Scary.
I got a prescription for vicoprofen at the Emergency Room, and took one pill at bedtime to help me sleep. This was before the surgery, and that was about two weeks. After the surgery, at the surgeon's recommendation I went to two every four hours. That seemed like a lot to me even then (and the drug-induced haze was SOOO lovely) that after the first three days, I went to one pill every four hours, then five hours, then six hours. Then I waited 12 hours to take the next pill. That's when I started reading. AND having muscle spasms in my legs (both of them), diarrhea, the depression that RJ referred to, and just generally back to my normal state of feeling like sh!t.
So that's where I am now. Welcome back.
I do miss my fur people very much. The dogs are at bf's house and he goes to see them every day. Except for the dogs I don't have any desire to see the inside of his wreck of a house any more (although there's a lot of my stuff there). At my house, I have the cats confined to a couple of rooms so they can't trash the entire premises. I need to get out there... today I may call a friend to help me. My late husband's cousin is the most likely person. Seeing me in bad shape will make her feel stronger, as she is always the one who needs rescuing. Plus she's the least likely of all my friends to be totally grossed out by the cat quarters.
Bf has taken his mom for her next chemo, so (TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLY) I'm completely off his radar. I'm here at the apartment alone, and where a few days ago when I was UI and felt happy about everything, today it feels like a prison.
I haven't worked for these past however many... gosh, it's been around a month!... so no money coming in. Tricare didn't want to pay my ER bill of ~$5,000-- must contest that as soon as I can locate my wits.
Reality sucks.
More ranting: Okay. Last night we went to retrieve my truck (which he drives) at the repair place. It needed some routine but expensive work (which I paid for, since it's my truck... but that's another conversation). While I was driving him he said he had had this really strange pain around his mid back most of the day. He described it as sort of a cramp. Well, when he said that, I went on alert. I didn't say anything, but mercifully, he said, "It kind of scares me." I said, "When you've had any heart issues, any pain in your thoracic area ALWAYS pushes the alarm button." Then I asked, "You can always take a nitro pill to see what effect it has. Do you have nitro pills with you?" He said, "They're at my house." So as we talked about other stuff, I drove over there. When we pulled up, he said, "You don't have to be here." I said, "You were going to get your nitro pills." So he went in and got them.
This morning, I saw them sitting on the table. He took a computer bag with him to go with his mom, so he'd have something to do. The chemo thing is a long process. I said, "Why don't you put those nitro pills in your briefcase so you'll have them?" He said a flat "NO!" as he walked out the door.
This is my major gripe with him (and his mom and I have even discussed this while we've been here for many hours alone). He will not be told what to do. His mom asked him to mail some letters the other day, and he said "no." He told her the mailbox was just downstairs and she could do it herself. After he left, she said to me, "He was walking right past the mailbox, why couldn't he just mail them?" I said, "Because he's [name]."
Back to the nitro. So a few minutes later he comes back in (this is typical-- it usually takes him three exit-entrance rounds before he is really out the door. He walks around the living room and grabs a couple of things, and I see him casually take the nitro pills and put them in his pocket. WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?
Why couldn't he have just taken the g.d. things? [rhetorical question- no answer needed] He just does these gratuitously rude mean things for no apparent reason other than to assert his personal sovereignty.
Wanted to add... I've been taking the vicoprofen a total of about five weeks. The psychiatrist who monitors my Lexapro agreed that it was a good idea for me to discontinue it. (Just so you know I'm not totally doctoring myself.)
Unfortunately I think the only thing you can do with people like that is totally squelch your natural tendencies toward nurturing or being helpful or even rational and let them sink or swim on their own.....
So sorry about the medication stuff. As if the whole ankle saga weren't enough?????
(((((Lil)))))
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
Kett, I've become pretty good at not taking care of him, BUT right now, if something did happen to him, with his mom in chemo (weekly, today and the next three weeks) and me not able to walk, MY life would become terribly complicated. He is an only child. His mom is 89 and no family lives near. So my desire to keep the nitro pills handy at all times is self-serving, too.
How is the ankle coming along? I'm hoping the pain is starting to ease up a little. Been a few days since I've seen any posts from you, starting to get a little worried.
Take care Lill, I'm going to go to bed now and snuggle up with Miss IC for warmth...although she probably has the electric blanket cranked up and I'll have a heat stroke
Thanks for asking, IC. The ankle is doing well. I'm at my house alone tonight... well, if you don't count four cats and two dogs. I'll be snuggling with doggies.
Cold there? Today here (south Texas) it was in the 80's. I have the central air on at this moment. Why do you people live up there? That's something I've always wondered...
I'm at my house alone tonight Alone???? What about all your cyber friends? I know cyber isn’t as good as in the flesh some times. Anyway, I think a few people are thinking about you.
Up too early with baby. He gets up at 6 am regardless since that is what time I get up for work during the week. Babies can't differentiate weekend/weekday.
Since you aren't very mobile have you been able to put up any reminders of the season? At the very least you need some candles and some nice Christmas/Holiday music. I just bought myself this really nice R & B Christmas album. We are way behind because we all had stomach flu after Thanksgiving and then last weekend a close family friend died from cancer at 32 years old. It was so sad. Since then we have been trying to get going on the Christmas cheer. Made me wonder about you. Get your bf to help you out. I know he is lousy on the helping out but you probably could use a little pick me up by now.
I am not in R mode right now. My H is so remote and we still haven't ml since last February. I am at a point where I feel like just handing him the name and phone number of a couple of sex therapists and saying. Know what I want for Christmas, my birthday, our anniversary for the next year? For you to go figure it out. There is something that prevents you from making a life with me, it is you then me, not "we". I want there to be a we but at the end of the year if there isn't a "we" then so be it. If you don't take advantage of this opportunity then I will not lift a finger in our R. I'll be here, I'll be your friend, our children's Mom but I will do nothing further toward us as a couple. I know that this wouldn't work so I am just not lifting a finger. Sort of assuming what his choice would be. Sad, huh?
