Ok major bummer here!!! She just got home nailed my ass with She does not want flower days any more!! Go figure???? Says they make her feel bad.... Must be because of where she's at and how she feels about other Man?? O My god she is getting ready to go out and now I feel very hurt and Down. I did not sow it just said I hear how that could make you feel that way and Validated her and Came here to type... Going out to eat does not seem very appealing anymore. No chance of it leading to anything the way she is feeling and just made me feel. Dam she can sure change my mood quick....:(
Married 13 years Me: 43 W: 39 D-19 D-18 D-13 S-25
Wake me up Bomb: July 1 2007
Wife Ring off: Jan 8 2008
-Time Is my Friend? -Put your Trust in God! -Pray lots! <------<<<
Relax......you are showing us that you are trying to hard....Look....the flowers were a nice gesture....now you know all it does is make her feel bad...this is info for you....stop with what doesn't work right?
So you're back to square one.....now....let's move forward....
Ok back from dinner and She has made me feel terrible but I managed to pretty much not show it. I just validated and listened to her tell me how much she is still on fence and not and never was in love with me. I think she wanted the reaction and tears, I'm not sure? I managed to keep my cool and not turn it into how she makes me feel. It was not easy but I think I pulled it off. I am feeling so scared that she is going to go to the OM. She constantly tells me and shows me how much she cares and misses him. She states she has never loved me right and swears we go married only because I rushed her into it and that she feels it was this terrible mistake. WHY MUST I ALWAYS HAVE TO FEEL LIKE I NEED TO CRY!!!I HATE THIS!!
Married 13 years Me: 43 W: 39 D-19 D-18 D-13 S-25
Wake me up Bomb: July 1 2007
Wife Ring off: Jan 8 2008
-Time Is my Friend? -Put your Trust in God! -Pray lots! <------<<<
THIS is what she wants....a reaction from you!!! Mostly wanting to see a negative reaction from you to validate what she feels for this other scumbag....Like I told another poster...YOU have to be the better catch....she has you....you have her.....you need to SHOW that you are the reason why she has the things she has and why she should reconsider what the heck she is doing....because right now....she is telling this jerk all the negative stuff about you and he is playing the total opposite to look better than you!
FA has it right, all she wants is a reaction, this validates her feelings for OM, don't give it to her. Drop the flowers and the talks, affection. Just be happy and act "as if". If she thinks she has lost you, she will think twice. You don't stay with someone for all that time and not love them, she is infatuated with this idiot and it won't last, but it will take some big time, so sit back and relax and get ready for the coaster ride.
But when you react, you validate and drive her to him. When you show love for her, it reminds her that she doesn't love you, she loves him. So stop both of those now, they aren't and will not work.
I agree with FA and Atlas, she is trying to get you into an argument with her to validate she's making the right decision because all the two of you do is argue. She's trying all she can to get you to do that. Don't give it to her. As for as the flowers, I went that route with my W. They made her feel guilty, she was doing what she was and I still loved her. It is pursuing, need to stop.
Mike
M 51 W 49 S26 S25 D24 D19 Married 27 yrs T over 30 S 7/12 D-bomb 9/26
Ok Ok to all three of you. You all seem so right and are from what i have read and am being told. I am just killing my own chances and I do know its not working, its very obvious. My question is this what and why do we do it then???? I will never understand my stupid actions knowing full well I am doing the wrong thing. I can't help but feel I want to go and hug her and tell her how I feel and its just so stupid for me to want todo that knowing the results it will bring. I need to get a life!! I can't believe I have let myself get so dependant on some one else for my happiness. This is a heck of an awakening.....Thanks for all the input its helping to get me thru this bull.
Married 13 years Me: 43 W: 39 D-19 D-18 D-13 S-25
Wake me up Bomb: July 1 2007
Wife Ring off: Jan 8 2008
-Time Is my Friend? -Put your Trust in God! -Pray lots! <------<<<
Totaly makes complete and total sense!! Hard to implement under major depresion but will keep kicking the can at this point!THANKS FOR THE POSITIVE INPUT!
Married 13 years Me: 43 W: 39 D-19 D-18 D-13 S-25
Wake me up Bomb: July 1 2007
Wife Ring off: Jan 8 2008
-Time Is my Friend? -Put your Trust in God! -Pray lots! <------<<<
Well I'll tell you....you can't grovel at her feet....you have to look like the better man....NO MATTER WHAT! You have to realize after this wake up call that all was not what it seemed......she was bored with what you two were doing or lack there of...she saw herself in a rut and now is not....There are a lot of things that drove her away.....it was just not one certain thing....it may have been the nail in the coffin but hey....we all make mistakes and learn from them.
So....what do you do....take a deep breath.....and start realizing what the past year was like...what same things did you do to make her realize that she needed a change....a change so drastic that she decided to go outside of your marriage.
You can't fix the past....but you CAN improve the future....and if she cannot be part of the new future...well....it her loss because you will be a better person regardless.
