WAW staying, I'm leaving to give her space..

[jab]

Update,

W just called me back. Obviously, W is on the fence about D but has alot of resentment, anger, distrust. W apologized for blowing up, W says she needs some space, I gotta give her some breathing room, yada, yada, yada. W doesn't trust me, yada, yada, yada. After conversation, W sounded a little better. I told her it wasn't my intention to control her, I am/will give her some breathing room, I'm not trying to accuse her. I'm trying to do the right thing.

W said she's 90% sure that our R/M is unfixable, not 100%.

W said she want someone to be 'into her', be happy to see her, want to be involved with her, etc....

I said, everything you stated, I want to give you & can now give you.

W said, you haven't shown it in years, it doesn't matter.

I said, I know I haven't and that was wrong. I'm becoming a better person and if I have the opportunity to I can show you what I'm capable of.

W stated, she doesn't believe it.

I stated, I understand why you don't believe it, but I can.

W asked 'even if I don't want you back?'

I stated, "I'm NEVER going to be in this situation in my life ever again. I'm NEVER going to have arguments over my drinking, getting drunk, not actively participating in my partner's life, not being communicative and loving. I'll NEVER let this happen to me again! Yes, even if you don't want me back. I NEED to improve myself for ME! I want to be able to have a healthy relationship with someone, I hope someday it can be you!"

W had to go into work so the call ended. W sounded a little better. Basically, tonight was a 'bust' but at least not a failure.

Whew, I feel like I was drowning for a moment and just got a lung of air again. Still bobbing up and down in the water and the waves are huge! Someone throw me a lifejacket!