Neither of them probably understand how important it is, and will be, that they rebuild a R together. You do, regardless of how it hurts you at times. That is a bullet you will take for the team. You are all a team. And you will get more adept at getting your balance back after one of these little upsets.
It is kinda like losing your balance on the pole. You recover, and smile at the world as if it were planned, and go on with the show ... I hope.
DD and I went to C yesterday. Everything is good but I broke down. I kept hearing myself say the words "he threw me away", etc. DANG! I really thought I was over that. So I have been contemplating why I am feeling that way. He took DD to our family concert. Great! But it reinforced that I wasn't wanted. It also turned up feelings of anger. I am stuck with all the bills and care but he gets to go out and have fun with DD. Also, I don't feel appreciated. C said the he doesn't ask about me at all, and DD asked that I not ask anything other than when are they getting together. Ok, I can live with that but it also feels like no one cares about me. I am suppose to bear the brunt of all the work and not be appreciated for what I am giving up. He doesn't even think or ask about me. I am nothing but a caretaker.
Well, gotta shovel snow (winter finally came to Utah) and drive DD to work and then go shovel my dad's driveway. I'll be ok just need to work through this.
Sitting quietly doing nothing, the flowers bloom effortlessly.
bomb: Jan 25, 2006 not seen since DD moved in with H - 9/1/08 H filed for divorce - 11/2008 Divorce dismissed by courts - 4/2010 still nothing
Ok, I snooped....well, actually my D's laptop's keyboard wasn't working and so I was seeing what I could do to fix it I came across an email from H to D on Nov. 20 asking her out on Thanksgiving and she turned him down saying "I think mom has plans"! WOW! I am not happy because the turn down probably hurt him and I know one day she will turn me down to go with him but it makes me happy right now. I guess I needed to know I wasn't being pushed aside. There are so many other things I can read from this but I am just going to be happy right now. Anyway, a smart person would have asked me and I would have told him to pick her up after her work and take her out for pie so at least he would have been able to be with her. His loss! One day maybe he will get up the nerve to talk to me again. I hope. I am working up plans for Xmas just haven't decided yet what to do.
Sitting quietly doing nothing, the flowers bloom effortlessly.
bomb: Jan 25, 2006 not seen since DD moved in with H - 9/1/08 H filed for divorce - 11/2008 Divorce dismissed by courts - 4/2010 still nothing
I know exactly how you feel!!! My XH is trying to reconnect with our youngest son. S21 is accepting his invitations to golf or bowl with his father. When I ask XH for a "contribution" to S21's college tuition, XH states "that's not his cross to bear!!" I know he could give a darn about me!! His priority is himself and his new wife. He had no trouble abondoning his family, having an affair and abdicating all his responsiblity to me! I too have been to a counselor to help deal with the anger. The one thing I have figured out is, my anger does not hurt him at all, only me. I have been reading alot of Joel Osteen's books to help give me a PMA.
It is hard to get over that fact that once they cared but they seem not to now kris. I guess all we can do is keep living and trying to enjoy life.
Yesterday DD and I bought a gingerbread house kit and a Christmas tree. The Christmas tree is still outside being buried by the 80 feet of snow we are getting (note: this may be a little exaggeration but I am dreading having to shovel snow). The kit house kept falling down. It was funny but we finally got it stand and it was still up this morning except for the chimney which fell off. <g>. We also watched the third in the Santa Clause movies. It was a nice evening.
H and DD missed their C appointment yesterday. The C called me at work and asked if I knew where DD was. I said "with H" and she said the DD wasn't answering her cell phone and H said he forgot about the appointment. I tracked down DD (at food place) and left work to pick her up (yeah, an excuse to leave work!). I didn't call or talk to H and he didn't call or talk to me. I think he had contacted DD because when I picked her up she said that she didn't know about the appointment and I hadn't said a word about the appointment yet.(hmmmm, as I reviewed what I said when I dropped her up in the morning, her selective hearing must have been turned to not listening). A couple of things bother me about this: I can see H not contacting me because he might have contacted DD and it really didn't concern me, other than I had to pick up the pieces (get DD home) and that really was just me getting out of work because she could easily have taken the bus home but I wonder if H would have contacted me if he couldn't have gotten hold of DD. I doubt it. I really don't feel he would contact me unless the C said to. I know I shouldn't wonder how this affected him but I do (only in a small corner of my mind). DD turned him down for Thanksgiving, then went to concert with him and now H misses C appointment. I wonder what went on/didn't go on at the concert or was this just a non-thought/caring moment by H. Doesn't affect me either way but just curious and I am still making it his responsiblity to remember/set up anything he wants to do with DD. I am betting he won't see her for a bit, at least not until the next C appointment, if the C calls him and sets it up.
Sitting quietly doing nothing, the flowers bloom effortlessly.
bomb: Jan 25, 2006 not seen since DD moved in with H - 9/1/08 H filed for divorce - 11/2008 Divorce dismissed by courts - 4/2010 still nothing
Erm, um, ahem. I want to sound nice and all, and I hope you know that I love you dearly, right?
Sweetie, you sound like you're spinning. It's hard to hear, and much harder, I'm sure, to live.
Maybe some hot baths and champagne and Christmas decorating and exercise and dancing and .....etc. You got you babe, and it's a glorious thing. Embrace it!
Boy can I relate to your sitch. Just caught up, it is very interesting.
Just a couple things that came to mind in reading your woes.
The MLC'er have to reconnect to everyone else before they reconnect to you. Even though you feel abandoned and alone, it is part of the process. Let it be.
Fear, shame, and embarrassment are three things your MLC'er is experiencing. Don't forget that. He is deathly afraid of what he has done and how you will react to him. They think by pushing through with the divorce that this will all go away. It won't.
Your H is a child right now, a fearful one. Make him feel safe and secure. Show him unconditional love and acceptance. Show him he has nothing to fear.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
F1!!! It's good to hear from you! When are you coming down so we can dance. I promise to make it more exciting this time. well, as exciting as Utah can get. Actually, I am doing good. I am going to Elko next week for a Christmas party and over New Year's to Texas overnight to celebrate with girlfriend. In between just living and trying to enjoy.
Trusting, I am so glad you stopped by. It does seem like H is scared of his own shadow right now. He "hates" contact with me. It really surprised me the he picked up the phone the other day. I hadn't spoken to him in 1 year before that so basically, I am just leaving him alone and letting the C, April and him work it out.
Sitting quietly doing nothing, the flowers bloom effortlessly.
bomb: Jan 25, 2006 not seen since DD moved in with H - 9/1/08 H filed for divorce - 11/2008 Divorce dismissed by courts - 4/2010 still nothing
I just got back from my C and she strongly suggested I set up an appointment with DD C's to set up a meeting with H, DD and myself. I would meet with DD's C first to set up the ground rules....no relationship talk, exactly what we would talk about, etc. Those of you who know my stitch, (((((all))))what do you think? Should I do it and start "communication" with H or continue in the limbo - no communication realm? What do you think I would gain/lose?
Sitting quietly doing nothing, the flowers bloom effortlessly.
bomb: Jan 25, 2006 not seen since DD moved in with H - 9/1/08 H filed for divorce - 11/2008 Divorce dismissed by courts - 4/2010 still nothing
Just an update. H picked up DD on Dec. 24 after her job (around 7:00 pm) and kept her till 9:30 pm. I have no idea what they did and haven't asked. I did email H on Dec. 24 to confirm that he was picking her up and he replied promptly that he was so I emailed him about meeting together with the C. No reply. I emailed again saying that a no reply to me means "no, I never want to see you again". (a little harsh I know) and still no reply. I emailed the C this and I haven't emailed H since. Neither has H seen DD since but I do know they text.
Christmas was good. H didn't get me anything. There was a cheap unwrapped box of chocolates in DD's bag, Twilight series books (which I also got her), a Hannah Montana DVD (???? for a 16 year old?) and 2 $25.00 gift certificates one to Bath and Body Works and one to Barnes and Noble bookstore. DD and I went to church, then dinner at my dad's and then visited the neighbors. Another neighbor died Christmas eve, the father of my next door. I felt lucky that they had let me go to their family Christmas Dinner the Friday before and so I got to see him. He was a neat guy and will be missed.
New Years I did fly to Texas overnight with a girlfriend (she was wonderful and paid for everything!!). The big rich Texas party didn't materialize. Her friends didn't get tickets and their town was so small that everything closed at 10:00 pm. We did go to a progressive dinner around their neighborhood and it was nice. My friend even joked about kissing her date at midnight and sleeping together since we shared the same bed (heheheehe). DD did spend it with some of her crew friends.
DD and I were at the C's Friday. The C is going to ask H about meeting when they next get together, next week. Anyway, DD is anxious for a car. I said I could afford to buy one but can't afford the insurance, gas, etc. The C suggested H could buy that. I did think of an alternative - sell my car, pay off the remaining amount and take a car that may be unreliable but would be paid off. Then use the extra money (from the car payment) to buy the insurance. I told DD my plan and she immediately texted H and asked him to buy her insurance. He agreed to until she gets a job. Now, there still is a gas issue and what is the time limit? but I guess that is between them.
My dad had his oral surgery Thursday. It went well. They implanted two "trailer hitches" in his bottom jaw so the bottom denture will remain in place. Healing will take about 4 months but it should be wonderful! Maybe he can gain some weight and talk better afterwards. I am also taking him to the dermatologist on Monday. He has had skin cancer before and there may be signs of it again. DD goes to doctor to start on stratera for ADD again on Monday so it is a week of doctor and other appointments.
I am sick...I think it is just overload and aftereffects from the plane recycled air. Overall, I am planning my resolutions sans H for next year:
start ceramics business World Horror Convention stuff till March I would like to do something with Habits for Humanity Dream of one day dancing at Kismet with a belly dancing troupe Go to Ireland? or travel out of states next year break my horse for riding this is along with full time work and taking DD to her stuff.
hmmmm, what else????
Sitting quietly doing nothing, the flowers bloom effortlessly.
bomb: Jan 25, 2006 not seen since DD moved in with H - 9/1/08 H filed for divorce - 11/2008 Divorce dismissed by courts - 4/2010 still nothing
