Well OM noticed that my stuff was gone and he called me while I was out on lunch and I was in a store at the time. I told him that this was not the time or place for us to have this discusion. But I eventually left the store and talked to him when I was in my car. He asked if he did anything or if H did anything to change my mind, I told him it was ALL me. There was just something that happened to me inside and I could not give him a reason why I wanted to stay with H that he would have understood. You see that OM was constantly trash talking H, and I of course let it happen, because at the time things weren't good. I am not saying that things are wonderful with H and I but they are getting better. We are learning to talk to each other rather than at each other. Ironically I was at the book store looking at the book Love and Respect, and the workbook to go along with it for H and I to work through, but I did not buy it because I have a coupon for the bookstore and I left it at home.
OM asked me if everything was over the friendship too. I told him that was entirely up to him to descide. He knows how to get a hold of me, but I know it will be a good while before that will ever happen. And IF and thats a big IF it does happen there will be some ground rules laid out. First and formost H will be included in what ever we do, no questions asked. No more of the just the two of us going out, period. And that is only if H will let me see him at all. I know that the best is to just let him go and not plan on seeing him at all ever again.
As for bumping my appt up there is no way, the lady that I go to is only at the office that I go to a couple nights a week. Other wise she is at one of thier other offices, they are not computerized at the one that I go to so there is no way for my file to get to her at the other office, in the next town. And she also works in our counties court system with the family law side of things. When I made my first appt. I was a month out to get that one. But I really like this one she seems to understand what I am going through a bit more than the one I had before when H had his A.
Now I am worried about the back lash that I am going to get from the friends that OM and I have had since high school. I got a call already from one, actually my ex from high school. The others I think will leave me alone but not sure yet. The call was not bad at all, he just wanted to talk to me and he assured me that he was not going to trash me because of what I did to his friend. I beleive him, but I just don't trust him a whole lot.
I wonder why I am not an emotional wreck? I just broke up with a man that I was about ready to leave my H for. I think that says something, what for sure I don't know. Maybe because I know that I have made the right choice in staying and working on a maybe not so perfect R with H to make it a little bit closer to perfect.
Now what I have another week and a half before my next appt. with my C and hope that H does not find out anything. BTW I am still looking at other input on that subject. Looking to someone who has been in my shoes that can give me insite on do I tell or don't I tell. I just have a feeling that things will evenutally come out any how, I am not one who can keep stuff like that bottled up inside for too long. I can keep stuff that friends tell to myself very easily but stuff like this it will just get to me.
Now I bet you are wondering how I got away with the A for so long if I can't keep a secret. We would always go out before and it would just be a friend thing. Well after the A started we just did the same thing, as far as H knew.
