Pregnant and abandoned #3

[blindsided1]

I'm such an idiot. Really, I am. Today we had our first Doctor's appointment with the OB/GYN. I went with a PMA. I told myself that I was NOT going to talk about the R. Everything went fine at the office. We were walking back to our cars. He was showing me something on his phone and there was a picture of OW on his phone. I felt like the wind was knocked out of me. He knew and kept asking me what was wrong? Finally, I just said, "you never put a picture of me on your phone." He said that he didn't mean for me to see it. But, it changed the whole dynamic of the day. Then it was just disappointment and anger and hurt and sorrow. And, I turned into that stupid, pathetic, whiney, needy, sad little girl. I am so angry at myself right now. It hurt and it hurt bad. I just couldn't seem to stop myself. And, then he started telling me, again, why he left and I defended myself. And, when he wanted to leave I got clingy. For godsake, what is wrong with me? Why can't I just let him go? Why can't I just get over him? I feel like I just made that gap much much larger. Now he is really pushed away. I'm sure of it. Why would he want to be around me right now? Why do I do this? Why? I feel so incredibly weak. Damn I'm mad at myself.

Someone slap me. Is there anyway to recover from this? HELP