Attorney visit was as good as it was going to be. Student loans not going to make any difference probably. Good news is that my attorney has not from WAW's. She made some comment about making papers and sending to hers to review. I said oh no. Leave her alone. I do believe WAW is at a point of reflection. This is exhibited by the following small steps/changes.
1) She ran her hand through my hair three or four times after our restraunt meeting. This is the first time she has touched me since separation. 2) Saturday she went out of her way to interrupt a conversation I was having to tell me something she had told me 30 minutes earlier. 3) She is trying the "shoe on", ie..she is going to pickup 5D from school and not her mother, and not calling every night I have 5D all requests I made at our meeting. 4) What little we talk, I hear the sweetness in her voice not that whatever, hurry-up, angry person. 5) She expressed concern when I got pulled over for going 3mph the wrong way at the park where the x-mas light show I took my 5D too. 5) She text messaged me yesterday to tell me same message from Saturday. 6) In addition, she added to the text, I hope ya'll had a good time. 7) Papers, rest of my stuff, etc ... not mentioned for quite awhile. 8) She was very down the day after our restraunt meeting.
Seems last several small interactions, she is showing the kind, sweet person of the past. No reason to run hand through hair, be concerned about me at the park, and especially "hope ya'll had a good time". This is something I would have said months ago. Besides no reason to text message me anything. I already knew from Saturday her plans.
Perhaps, this is over-analyzing but it feels like she is at least thinking. It feels like my plan of leaving her alone, eliminating contact with mutual acquaintances, GAL, having great time with 5D, and show her a detached me is slowly working toward some of my small goals.
JM, I am happy you are having positive vibes. I think the key is for you to continue to stay positive and show WAW that you are happy (even if yo have to fake it sometimes). There will undoubtedly be setbacks or things that happen that you interpret as setbacks. That is when it will be harder to stay positive. That is when we have to work very hard to not be cold, distant or simply pissed. Keep your head up!
I think they are positive. I also think that me leaving her alone being as dark as possible is helping. I feel like my meeting with her showing a detached not pursuing me put the ball in her court enabling her to pause.
It sounds like whatever you are doing is helping. I agree with John that its important you keep a PMA. It's important for all of us. I agree that detaching is critical and hard to do.
Keep on going. Your 5D will appreciate it at a minimum.
Definitely, PMA vital around WAW. Last several times we talked especially our meeting or Saturday I was upbeat, cheerful, and detached. Heck even laughing when I got pulled over going 3mph, down a one-way, to look at those x-mas lights in the park. Little more PMA and detachment when I am living life would be good too.
Yeah 5D and I are having a great time. She misses her momma but wants to spend night at my place. Every day I find something for us to do. I am certain WAW sees at least this much. Hard for 5D not to share the fun we have. Like 8ft Santa in yard now, x-mas cookies, suncatchers, x-mas lights at the park, x-mas candy, or simply playing in a mammoth pile of leaves. I enjoy it. 5D enjoys it. Maybe WAW will want to join the fun one day.
Keeping 5D happy is easy. Just do things you know are fun. It is great for your GAL and PMA...but you will miss your spouse when you are doing a lot of these things. Got to fight that off and have a good time. It also helpful to do things you have not done before. The new memories help and 5D is even more excited to try ... I took mine roller-skating awhile back, just simple stuff.
On another note, my WAW text messaged me for the 2nd day in a row. Today's message: "At workshop. I will B able 2 pick up 5D 2day." I know these messages are to tell me she is picking up 5D from school addressing my desire to pick her up when she cannot. However, I may be reading the tea leaves to closely BUT yesterdays, "I hope ya'll had a good time" and todays "at workshop" are unnecessary details. "at workshop" is sharing her life and "good time" is exactly what I did months ago when I missed 5D and WAW so much that I would text basically same thing.
Positives 1) Adding unnecessary details to text messages such as good time or at workshop. 2) Realized today, 12/6, that the last text from WAW was 10/16. Prior to these recent 2 messages, they were always very direct, blunt, and felt cold like, "Drop off at mom's at 5:30" - implying 5D - that was entire message. 3) She is "trying on the shoe"
Negative 1) She is "trying on the shoe" --- feels scary still.
Just a further note on children, just because they exhibit happiness around you does not mean they are happy with the sitch. No matter how happy she is doing whatever 5D is very much effected. I've heard my 5D say stuff like, "I wish Mommy was here with us", "I miss my mommy but don't want to go spend the night with her", "I want my Daddy to come home, but Mommy won't let him.", "I don't want to talk(on the phone when WAW called) to Mommy.", etc... Only thing I can say is, "Your Mommy and Daddy love you more than anything in the whole world" and find something to do.
I am sticking with positives...Regardless, I am a much better person today then I was when this started. Perhaps, I deserved it, but I am worthy today.
Saw a text message she sent in June saying she missed me, luv bunches, etc... Stark contrast to the sitch now.
It will be very interesting if she calls before Sunday, my next day with 5D. I have been taking 5D to church (another 180) every Sunday since this started at 9:00am. Since, I am not contacting or even responding to these simple text messages, it just another way I am putting the ball in her court.
I think another positive is by WAW text messaging me for whatever reason, she is thinking of me, at least for a moment. That cannot be bad.
