Accepting a rejection....gracefully

[Kettricken]

Kudos to both your wife and you for sticking with it and trying to work toward each other.

It sounds like you know this ... but what you've got is a fine reflex snarl in response to rejection, understandably so. It took a long time to develop that reflexive hurt/anger at "no", and the emotions ain't going away overnight.

You do have the ability to *choose* how how display the emotions, though. Decide ahead of time what the best response would be ... I recommend some variation of the "ok, babe, catch you tomorrow maybe" but whatever works for you .... and then implement that instead of "winging it" in the moment. If you absolutely have to leave the room to clear your head, give yourself a reason; go get a glass of milk or something and ask her if she wants something too ... then come back as soon as possible.

I think you gotta act from your brain, not your gut, on this one. If this means you will be stewing internally for awhile anyhow ... so be it. As long as you and your wife are both working toward each other and giving concrete demonstrations of that, it seems like a small price to pay.

Edited to add: I've been in your position myself and even once things started to turn around, the only thing that truly soothed the reflexive resentment to rejection was time passing in the "improved" state of play. I really fought hard against letting it show though, because it seemed counterproductive to me to "punish" him with my residual emotions considering how much things were continuing to improve.