Mojo, the kind of community you describe sounds lovely.
I had a feeling the word "retirement" was the problem. Didn't notice "corporate" or the others. Don't let those words block you. The people who write that copy put those words in to attract a certain reader. The words may or may not apply to the product, kwim?
For example, I might be writing ad copy for a deodorant and say, "Do corporate board meetings make you sweat through your Donna Karan suit?" Well, that would not appeal to you.
But if it said, "Digging through piles of priceless old books can be a very sweaty occupation. And you want to be fresh when your ride arrives in his leathers to take you to the Renaissance Festival."
The product is the same-- deodorant. It's a good product. It's as effective on female members of congress as it is on female hippies. LOOK AT THE PRODUCT, NOT AT THE WORDS THAT ARE DELIBERATELY CHARGED WITH MEANING. Don't let yourself be manipulated by copywriters. I'm sure you know all of this and live by it... you probably just forgot for a second.
Does anybody here see the irony in my current situation? Because I felt like I had to be too cow/lioness in my marriage because somebody had to be the grown-up because of the kids my 2bx viewed me as somewhat domineering and non-sexy. So now I go around manifesting all "bunkey" and the man I am dating mostly treats me like a sweet, sexy little dodo who he's not at all sure he could afford to marry or trust. The weird thing is it's not like I'm trying to be somebody other than myself. I just can't get all my animals to behave/perform at the same time. I don't even want to be perfect. I just want some balanced base-line functioning throughout the zoo.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Does anybody else here ever have the thought that forming a relationship is more about figuring out what failings or vices you can tolerate in another person rather than what good traits you might seek? The question I am currently asking myself is "Can I handle being in a relationship with a sweet-talker?". I shall define "sweet-talker" as "a man who will offer half-truths and over-the-top validation in order to achieve, maintain or get/do what he wants in a relationship." Now, if I had the personality type of, for instance, MsHD, there wouldn't even be a question. I would think "I will not be lied to. That is disrespectful." and squash the offender in full parental mode or exit the relationship. However, the truth is there is something my "bunkey" likes about a "sweet-talker" and I think I know what it is. If a guy is going to play me monkey like that then my monkey is free to do what she wants. Instead of getting all righteously indignant, I can just be the girl who pretends to still believe in Santa Claus in order to get more toys. I'll just climb up on faux-Santa's lap and listen to his story like a bunny-eyed innocent 'cause all I really want is the cuddle and the candy cane anyways.
Last edited by MJontheMend; 12/06/0706:27 PM.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I shall define "sweet-talker" as "a man who will offer half-truths and over-the-top validation in order to achieve, maintain or get/do what he wants in a relationship." ....
.... Instead of getting all righteously indignant, I can just be the girl who pretends to still believe in Santa Claus in order to get more toys. I'll just climb up on faux-Santa's lap and listen to his story like a bunny-eyed innocent 'cause all I really want is the cuddle and the candy cane anyways.
So interesting, the different perspectives available on this simple scenario. I don't get "supplicating" at all. More like, "Sweet dumb little bunkey, she can't tell the difference between the CZ and the diamond; hey, whatever works!" I can totally see why from your stated perspective above that works ok for you, given that you're not fooled and still getting what *you* want out of it .... but there is still an implied lack of respect there, IMHO. I would imagine that candy cane might well turn to coal pretty quickly in a serious long-term relationship, if that's what you're contemplating.
I guess it kind of depends on the dynamic, too. If he starts spouting that stuff and you turn to him and say the substance of "I'm getting my pink wellies, 'cause that's the biggest load of horse manure I ever heard" and he turns back to you with a big "Yeah, ya caught me" grin and/or rejoinder .... then it's just a game, nobody's fooling anybody and everybody knows it; no harm no foul. If on the other hand, he actually thinks he is able to successfully manipulate you with the sweet talk, that doesn't say too much about his assessment of your character, does it?
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
Another word for what you describe is "supplicating". It'll be interesting to see where this R goes.
I really shouldn't have described his behavior as "monkey" because it's not like he's playing "up" to me with it. I keep thinking about that scene in the Godfather where Marlon Brando is in the garden entertaining his grandson with orange peel grins. Let's say he had to deal with some business and he said to the boy "Dear child, Grandpa has to go talk to a nice gentleman about a circus. Here's a lollipop. Be good and I'll be right back." Please recall that we are talking about a man who was born in the projects in Detroit and raised by a Marine.
Anyways, I know he is lying to me about something but I don't know what it is. His value system puts his children/family first, money/power second and sex/food third. He admires me because I share his highest value and he thinks I'm a baby/innocent because I'm morally opposed to mixing money and sex in any way. It's quite possible that he's stringing me along for affection and sex but also looking for a woman with some money to marry.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I keep thinking about that scene in the Godfather where Marlon Brando is in the garden entertaining his grandson with orange peel grins.
One of the scariest scenes (to me) in the whole movie. Just promise me that you won't start spraying him with tomato dust. Oh, and don't forget the cannoli.
One of the scariest scenes (to me) in the whole movie. Just promise me that you won't start spraying him with tomato dust. Oh, and don't forget the cannoli.
LOL- I just can't wrap my mind around this relationship because GP seems like an intelligent friend I talk to about relationships and stuff (like you guys) 1/3 of the time, he seems like somebody super-nice and older who treats me like a pet 1/3 of the time ( he usually calls me "my dear" and he actually suggested that I buy long underwear)and 1/3 of the time he seems like some kind of panther/assassin ( he says stuff like "A good dice throw will sound like a 22 when it lands." and "We didn't teach the kill moves at my dojo.")
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
the truth is there is something my "bunkey" likes about a "sweet-talker" and I think I know what it is. If a guy is going to play me monkey like that then my monkey is free to do what she wants. Instead of getting all righteously indignant, I can just be the girl who pretends to still believe in Santa Claus in order to get more toys. I'll just climb up on faux-Santa's lap and listen to his story like a bunny-eyed innocent 'cause all I really want is the cuddle and the candy cane anyways.
Lol! But my guess is you really don't want to "pretend" in your R for very long. It would get old I'd say. Just be who you are - an intelligent and very f*ckable woman who really deserves someone who doesn't need to do sweet talking, the white lies, and all that nonsense. On the other hand, if you just want to get off with this guy, than who cares. Just go with the flow until it just isn't working for you anymore. That's the best part about dating. And I'm sure you know the answer as to whether or not this guy is long-term material for you. Right?
