Last night I took the kids out to dinner while W did her bible study. It was really nice, we had a fun old time. We shared much love. Since I don't have my own place (yet!) we went out to dinner. They sat on my lap, 3 at a time. It felt good to just be with them. And of course there was lots of laughing and smiling and goofing and just hanging out.
W had said she would "meet us at the restaurant" (her idea!) after bible study and I was hoping she'd come in. But when the time came she called from the parking lot, couldn't find a spot to park, so she phoned me from the car to let me know, she'd be staying in the car and she'd wait for me to bring the kids out.
Here's the good part: I didn't get bothered at all about that. True, I had hoped she'd come in, if only to sit for a spell. I was imagining we'd sit down and just share a drink. But in the end it didn't happen. OK. No problem! I still had fun with my kids.
W did get out of the car to meet us. All the kids were in goofy, silly, happy moods. I was very cheerful with her (maximizing my opportunities). We talked about the weekend. When I'd see the kids next. Talked about S10's birthday - the plan is still on for all of us to go out to dinner together. as I was leaving all the kids demanded gum (I always carry some). I kissed the kids "gabye!" and they were gum swapping with me. Totally innocent and goofy fun. W sat in the front seat of the car for all this. I had bought a shirt for each of my boys while I was out shopping for myself, and I gave them the shirts. Anyway, the kids and I were all happy.
I noticed that she was staring at the ring I'm wearing on my left hand. She looked for a very long time. I had taken it off after she informed me she'd be filing for divorce; I'm sure she noticed this then. But after a couple weeks I rethought it, and I put the ring back on and started DBing again. This time for real. Now she is noticing "it's back."
So anyway, a positive moment.
Today I am doing my household budget, which I will send to her through our respective attorneys. Or maybe directly to W, to save on the attorney fees. This will be an estimate of how much I need in order to get my own place - rent, utilities, car, insurance, that sort of thing. This is for temporary orders while the D is progressing. We will need to split my income. This is more reality setting in. I am going to do this with as much love in my heart as I can, though I am not pleased about the prospect of living alone.
Also tonight I see my IC.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
