not a peep

[NikB]

Aw don't beat yourself up too much, really!! I didn't say all that to beat ya over the head with it, just point out something you may not have seen or realized.

I hate the talk about "house value" - it makes my heart start pounding and the hair on my neck stand up, only because of the implications of what it means. So I totally understand how easy it is to jump into a very scary talk from there.

I don't think you should let him tell you how the whole mortgage / appreciation / credit think "should" work. Find out the real story from a lawyer!!

In my case I found out that in CA, until the house is transferred to the other spouse or sold, here's how they do it:

1. Figure out rental value of the house
2. Subtract current mortgage from the rental value.
3. Split the difference 50/50 - and each spouse keeps their "right" to the equity.

So let's say..

Mortgage: 1500
Rental value of home: 1200

Difference = $300. Whoever stays in the house "rents" it for $1200, then pays $150 for their half of the mortgage to the other spouse. You both get half the equity when it sells (or one spouse can buy the other out).

In my case it's even a better scenario - might be for you, too. Won't use real #s but mine looks like:
Mortgage: 1200
Rental value: 1500
Difference: -300

So if H wants to stay in the house.. no problem! He can pay the mortgage, plus pay me the additonal $150 for my half of the "rent."

Basically they look at it that until the house is sold, whoever is living in it is renting it at fair market value (or, you can both move out and rent it out).

All the usual caveats - I'm not a lawyer, this is for California only and based on what one L told me (but some further internet research has backed it up). But please do check into it before you get into a really unfair agreement.

Mediator / laywer also suggested this can be a good negotiating point. If the support amount he'd owe you is roughly equal to the "rent" amount you'd have to pay - make a deal that he pays no support but you get 50% equity and he has to pay the mortgage. Everything's negotiable, of course... but know the law first so you at least know where you are starting from!