Maybe not too complicated to understand

[Michael Mc C]

While here these past few months I've considered myself lucky, in a sense, because my W's mess has been "clean" so far - only an intense EA, nothing physical. I told myself that if it ever became physical, I would be done.

I've put quite a bit of thought into it though and I'm not sure that I would be. The thought of it disgusts me (and I'm no prude) but in reality it's the emotional aspect that really seems to be the killer.

Until and unless it progresses, I guess I'll never know. The looming "meeting" has been a line in the sand for me. As we get closer to that date (whenever it is) I find I am able to better detach.

My thinking up to this point has been that PA = The End (from my perspective) and the short time leading to that 'benchmark' would help complete, or at least build, my detachment. Today I am thinking that maybe the PA is so meaningless that I shouldn't give up. That brings up hope and my detachment begins to fade away.

The OM's lifestyle has been a big concern, not just for my W's well-being but also for any chance of us reconciling. That in itself has lent itself to my detachment. She is knowingly moving forward with this and if there is any doubt in her mind following a PA, I know I will have trouble being "with" her again. I may want to resume/fix the marriage but the concern over any physical contact with her will get in the way.

Well, I guess I don't need to worry about that too much at this point. Still have a long way to go.