WAW staying, I'm leaving to give her space..

[COG]

Jab,

I love your attitude and open mind. Don't ask me why, but AmyC assembled the "A-Team" for ya. Every sitch is different. Look for the subtle signs and information that connect with your sitch and pray like crazy!

To move out, or not to move out, that's the question? But I think there's a bigger question here.

Can you love your W unconditionally as defined in 1 Corithians: 13?

She is not IL with you right now. She's done with you for the time being. It may take YEARS for her heart to change.

Can you really handle staying at home?

Will you be able to give her the space she needs or will you fuel the fire of resentment within her?

Can you avoid the temptation to bring up the R, ask her how she feels about things, ask her what she wants?

Here's some news for ya. She hates the R, she wants out, she feels like crap because her family is breaking up, she's angry because you've been the dufus and now she looks like the bad guy, and she doesn't know what she ever saw in you. She may waffle a little, but generally she's going to feel this way for a long time.

Do you have the courage to face her reality every day, and still keep joy in your face, freindship on your tongue, and peace in your heart?

Did you just play the move out card to see if she'd come crawling back, or beg you to stay?

I moved out at my W's request. I think it was the right thing for us because I was driving her friggin crazy. Couldn't just leave things alone. I was constantly starting conversations about our R. Pressuring, guilting, never let things rest. We were both miserable and I hadn't found DB yet.

We were separated for four years, but we lived within a mile of each other. Kids went back and forth. We never really had an agreement about dating, didn't really discuss it much. But we both knew where it would lead so niether of us went there. Friendship in group settings definately, but not much of the one on one stuff. We did have an agreement to be honest about it if it did happen though.

I actually did date a gal once, after about a year or two of being separated. I took her to an Andrea Boccelli concert. W was being so nasty to me I had just had enough. I told her about it ahead of time and everything. I'll never forget the look on her face as I left the kids soccer game for my date. It was priceless. BUT, within a couple of weeks of that, she went to a concert on a "friendly date" with a recently D male friend of hers. AARGH!, tit for tat. So remember, what goes around comes around.

Keep focused on YOU my brother. If you think dating is right for you then go ahead and do it, but do not judge or attempt to control your W. Learn how to love her for who she is, how she feels, what she does, and where she is. Love her as her creator loves her. Forgive her, let her go. Do not attempt to control her, improve her, help her, or guide her. Leave all that to her and her God.

There may come time/challenges when you'll have to decide if you can accept her actions and stay with her, or not. But make that choice based on the reality of who she is, not on the hope of transforming her what you want her to be. She should know what your boundaries are, but she should not be coerced, manipulated, begged, or controlled by YOU to follow them. Leave that up to her and her God.

Ideally, unphased by her, but focused on YOUR own healing, growth and maturity.

God Bless The Struggle!

Love,

COG