It definitely takes some time.. you definitely need to get out and do some stuff for you. Whatever interests you. The key is to keep yourself busy so you don't think about W and OM.
As for the dreams.. I've had some of those as well. They say dreams are a product of your subconscious.. in other words, you are thinking about them too much.
I'm in the same boat.
One thing I've figured out though.. I can't change what she thinks, feels, says, does.
I can however change those things about me. Think about that.. only you can make yourself happy.
They should come out with a patch that helps us "give up" our WAS's.
That's a toss up in my opinion. In Kentucky, separation converts to divorce after a year. 6 of 1 in my opinion.
When my W filed, I was disappointed to hear she filed for D instead of separation.. the train has been so slow that I no longer care.
These things take time.. especially if one of the two is resilient.
Take my sitch for example.. W filed for divorce mid September. We just recently got the TEMPORARY agreement worked out.
In KY, here is how it works:
File for divorce Respondent has 21 days to reply Work out Temporary agreement (Custody, Child support, housing, etc) Separation Agreement (Division of assets) Divorce Decree
W served almost 3 months ago and we just finished step 1.
I'm actively pursuing step 2 (for financial reasons as well as to give her a wakeup call) and it's an arduous process.
I'm seeing in all of your posts, whether on your own thread or others, that you are dwelling on your W. You are not allowing yourself to move ahead in any way. I'm not saying it's easy, but you need to pick yourself up and move on. You need to get it through to yourself that you need to be ok whether you get back together or not. You are just jogging in place right now and that's not going to get you anywhere. You are struggling b/c you are not even trying to move on. You are ALLOWING yourself to sit there & do nothing but think about "what if" etc.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
I just read your last post about W *daring* you to file. In that instance, I would. Why file for legal separation? You are either going to be D'd or not in the long run. Do it and see what she does? I would bet lots of $$$$ that if there is ANY chance that she is going to come back, that would be what would do it.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Thanks Red... thats the kick in the pants I needed.
When I was 10 years old, my sister died in an auto accident. The tragedy messed me up for years after that. I think alot of my fear of abandonment stems from that incident in my life.
Ive been to counselors before and have felt better but I think that I will always be sensitive to issues concerning abandonment.
I also think it makes me sensitive to not abandoning other people. There were times when my W did stuff that for a lot of guys would be grounds for divorce, but that never entered my mind.
Sorry, just threw myself a pity party.
Hurtin: 32 WAW: 30 D: 8 Bomb: 10/05 Sep: 12/05 Back together 8/07 Bomb (OM): 11/07 Filed for D (me): 12/07
