FW obviously feels he is a high achiever and has a lot to offer - I get the feeling he is treating the repair of his M in the same way as he has other things in his life
and
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If posting like this helps FW, (even if it massages his ego possibly at the same time), then so be it.
Actually, I see the exact same thing. And that is why I said what I did. His old thinking is exactly what got him where he is. And until that changes, nothing will get fixed.
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I remember it being quite scary, frightening and off putting for other posters - esp newbies
One of the the problem is that we have newbies and veterns together. How do you seperate the messages. I try to stick to Dbing. Michele is very clear about who has to change. And since we can't do anything about the MLC/WAS, that leaves only one person. And as is, the offended party is the one who has to change their approach.
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No two situations are the same and there are some very desparate people on these boards seeking answers BUT I do believe that they can see that BFM and FW's sitch is theirs and their's alone
I definitely agree that no two situations are the same which is I why I treat everyone of them differently. The real problem I find is that everyone wants to treat them the same. People keep falling back on the same tired things. I mean when someone who has been around for 7-8 years is still saying things like the OW/OM is juts a temporary fix, there is a problem.
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I think sometimes when you write you do not fully appreciate quite how strongly you may come across
saffie, when I read something, I just write. I don't want a filter. When it is something that strikes me as odd, I generally go back and read every post that the person has written and I ignore what others have said because I don't want that filter to get in the way of my first impression. And when I think I may be harsh, I do two things. I reread both their posts my post and I have a couple people who I ask if I was missing something. Also, I have had more than a few people who have come back to me and said that I was the only person who was willing to tell them things in no uncertain terms and they thanked me for it. That is what drives me.
As for newbies, when I post directly to them, I always make sure to tell (or at least try) them I understand how they feel. And one of the big problems is that too many fuel the fire. When my bomb hit, the first person I had to change was me. I didn't need the book to tell me that. I also wonder how many people really have read the book.
And back to FW for a second, I see people asking hinm to read theior threads. This is not good. You can't have clueless people trying to lead clueless people.
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I know you see things with great clarity, but sometimes you do need to let others make their own mistakes
But this is a tough one. Yes, people make mistakes. But I thought part of the reason for the board was to help other not to make the same mistakes that I did. For example, if you had never seen a hot stove before, would I let you touch the heating element. No. Same thing here. I don't want people to touch the heating element. As for my clarity, I know it came from being far removed from the emotional turmoil and from liastening to those who have been there. One of the first person I sought out was an old friend who had been devastated by a divorce but who found his way back. People on the board spend too much time listening to people who are in the same situation as they are. Nop help at all.
