I have just realized that there are a lot of similarities in some of our thoughts. My husband has no family beside me either and no job or any means to "survive" without me. I have wondered if our marriage is one of convenience for him (my mother puts those thoughts into my head)...
I kind of think you should keep doing what you are doing. In a way I think it makes him feel "unbalanced", like he's not sure what you are thinking so he HAS to talk to you to find out. It would seem that making him talk is making him open up and vent. These feelings need to be expressed to, and while you have an outlet here, he doesn't (does he?).
I think you should let him know your thoughts when you are comfortable. You said in a previous post here that there was a time when you didn't want to have an R talk, but he did. When you are ready to talk about the boundaries, then you can.
It seems sometimes that the talks can be sorta "one-sided" (i.e. one partner starts and kinda leads the discussion towards a specific issue).
I hope that makes sense and I hope I'm not totally out of left field...
Thanks UCW for your feedback. Guess you are right, it makes a lot of sense.
I have this fear that he can't cope to the unbalance though. He also said to me that when we were going through the situation he thought several times that since it was broken why fix it?
I try to think that his new openness is positive though as he has never done things like it before.
But I am mad he's still taking me for granted, or may be he is just testing me. Who knows?
Thanks UCW for your feedback. Guess you are right, it makes a lot of sense.
I have this fear that he can't cope to the unbalance though. He also said to me that when we were going through the situation he thought several times that since it was broken why fix it?
I try to think that his new openness is positive though as he has never done things like it before.
But I am mad he's still taking me for granted, or may be he is just testing me. Who knows?
Wow! You've made a lot of changes. Does he seem to like all the nice things that you are doing?
He seems to want reassurance and to be forgiven. Has he asked for forgiveness? I do think until someone shows real remorse and asks for forgiveness, there is no point in giving the forgiveness. That's like giving a gift to a person who does not want the gift. It only has value if the person wants it.
I would not try to move too fast. Opening up the communication is good. Try to keep it at a level of trying to understand each other. It can be too much to try to negotiate how you will act to each other. If both people just make a good effort to understand the other, then acting well together can happen naturally.
Thanks for the reply. Yes, he seems to like it and go along but not with a lot of enthusiasm. He's asked for forgiveness but I think he confuses forgiveness with let's pretend it didn't happen.
I see your point, I should not have expectations about his behavior. Just let him be and let myself be spontaneously.
I sent you an email.Sorry about your son's sitch.It will be OK.
R talks still going on. The same story for a couple of days: - Don't leave me before year end. - Where are we heading too? You will leave me next year, I know. Blah, Blah, Blah And other crazy stuff about ex-boyfriends that I don't see in 12 years.
Don't know what to say anymore. I am managing the piecing part and trying to be mature. Got an "action" plan instead of words plan.
But I am loosing my patience and don't know for how long I can go on being cucumberish. Hate the pity party he's throwing on himself. He is coming home earlier than he uses to just to nag me about this while we are having dinner. Can't eat much because of that so I guess it's a forced diet.
Don't I need validation too for working hard on piecing? I wish he could see further than his own belly.
[/quote]- Don't leave me before year end. - Where are we heading too? You will leave me next year, I know. Blah, Blah, Blah And other crazy stuff about ex-boyfriends that I don't see in 12 years. [quote]
Maybe you should tell him that if he continues with this attitude that you might just leave earlier.
You really are doing well.
I posted back to you on my thread.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
