Hi Tired. It sounds like your husband's love language is physical touch. Many times when the love language is physical touch it's not just about sex or petting. But rather that's how they feel loved and feel close to their spouse. I know that is what my love language is. However I think my husband's is gifts. I'm still trying to figure his out. lol
I know your husband can be a bit of an azz. But ya know I kind of envy you in a way. Because at least your husband is wanting to get close to you in that way. He desire's you and thinks your beautiful and attractive so can't wait to get in bed with you. In the last probably 4 months my husband and I have made love maybe 3 times if that. I know our situations are kind of similar with the whole adult friend finder thing they did. Since my husband did that and the whole confrontation thing at the time he has an ever lower sex drive then before. It just makes me feel so unattractive and sad. I keep thinking what is wrong with me. So in a way I envy you.
Maybe you could try and do little things. Like leave him a little love note somewhere. Or if the mood strikes you come onto him. You could maybe have some candles lit and be laying in bed when he comes in the bedroom. I wonder if that would change his behavior any. It sounds like he is hurting because he wants to feel wanted. I kind of know how he feels in a way. I am not saying you don't ever do these things. I know how busy it can be as a SAHM with little one's. I also don't justify the way he treats you either. But just maybe maybe it could turn things around if you spoke his love language. I hate it but I feel myself getting short with my husband. Hardly talking to him. Snapping at hime. I try to stop myself and am working on this. But I feel this void because of the missing element he's not giving me. I get this resentment that just builds. : (
Heres a few ((((hugs)))). Hang in there you are a strong person. It is a hopeless feeling knowing what its going to be like to get a D. I am still riding the rollercoaster. It will help once you talk to a lawyer. Are you afraid of him hurting you and the boys then you need to move a lot faster.....Protect your self.
I know where you are coming from. My H is just the same - it's just like having another child. I just ordered the book Passionate Marriage that I saw someone else highly recommended on another thread. I hope it helps. You cannot be all things to all people howvere much you try. You have to have some YOU time in there too.
(((((HUGS))))))
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Trying.. thank you for your perspective. I have sent him some emails of questionable nature :).. and done some other stuff, but I guess its not enough. and yes I am happy that he wants me, but it seems he wants it like it was when we first met which was about 19 years ago.. its not going to be the same, not like that, we grow and change and our love changes, not that its not love, but its different. Yes, with 2 little ones it doesn't make it easy either, I mean I love being with them, but they don' sleep at night and Im always tired. We definately have to take some time out for just us. I hope your stitch is getting better:)
Penny, thanks for hugs, I need them, always. as for the lawyer the retard hasn't called me back yet, so im on to someone else to call. just want to know where I stand. Of course the big d is the last resort, I will fight like He$$ to make things work out. for my kids sake.
Saffie, and of course you hit the nail right on the head... That's exactly what I feel like... everybody wants a piece of me, and Im burnt out. no, i can't be everything all the time, and that's exactly what is happening. Thanks for the validation my friend:)
Jak.. yes he is right, its just trying to get him to go will be the hard part.. I hope everything is alright with you.. I know your stressed right now, im going to pop over to your stitch soon.
H hunted all day, so he will be tired tonight. He's not home yet. S5 had gymnastics tonight... so while I was rushing around, went to put my 2 year old in his seat , I cracked my head on the car door frame OUCH!! now I have an egg on my head ... what else is new... got a headache now.
going to order a pizza, not cooking tonight.. too pooped.
Good nite all!:) and thank you my friends!
tal
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
He totally exhausts me. The fight did get so bad that I told him we should seperate because I just couldn't take the constant issues he has with me. He then calmed down and said he wants to be with me and just wants to be wanted..
I don't know what to do. I've been more attentive to him the last day or so, I'm going to try and be more aware of it.. what more can I do?? everybody wants mommy to give them attention.. and im getting burned out.
Hey girl, I just read this post and please take this in the way that I mean it, but make sure you mean stuff like that when you say it as far as the separating thing goes.
I felt the same way for years about everyone needing mommy to do everything, however, I sure wasn't ready for the D bomb when I got it. Let's face it, that's what mommies are for, whether we work or not, we are mom, wife, lover, friend, worker, etc., etc. Yeah, it sucks, but that's kind of the way it is. Yes, it's tiring, but think long & hard about what it would truly be like w/o your H and make sure that that is really ok w/ you before you go too far down the road of "maybe wanting a separation" or whatever.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Yes I know, its ok.. the argument got heated, and I actaully told him later its not what I want but we have to go forward with our relationship, not backwards. Yes we are all those things but like saffie said, we can be all things all the time, and that's when my H takes advantage. Ive been married a long time, and I also worked before I had children (for 11 years) So I know what its like on both ends of the spectrum.. only im home with kids and I run his business too.. so if you've ever owned your own business, you know that it is extremly stressful, and trying to do it with 2 boys around doesn't make it any easier. Until my H tries at least a little bit to understand that we will continue to have problems. but now that is out in the open and we are working on it. One of the things is hiring an accountant. But we won't be able to do that until spring.
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Do you run a Co. or are you self employed / partnership?
The rules are probably quite different in the States to over here in the UK, but unless you actually run a Co., over here you don't NEED an accountant. They are very expensive. It's better to hire a book - keeper and then have a tax consultant look at the business and make sure all compliance/planning issues are dealt with at least once a year. In the long run it works out cheaper and you can often get better advice. ( I hasten to say I am speaking from a UK point of view so no 2x4's please. I have worked for both Deloittes and running my own tax business so I have experience of both ways).
Hope today is a better day for you.
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
