not a peep

[Trixi]

I can't believe how fast this is going. Aug 21st he was back saying we should be dating; we were going to concerts having a great time and now he's telling me that we should file in January.

What happened:
He came in. Took some snack stuff I made. We talked about the broken fridge. I told him about the rental and we talked furniture, what I want to take with me, etc. He starts kind of making like he wants to leave and I say we'll need to hammer out the finances in the future and he sits back down.

Me "I'm going to need $$. This is not what I signed up for."
H "I'll help you out. It can go towards what I owe you."
Me "well, YOu're mistaken if you think you wouldn't owe me spousal supprt"
H "I won't pay you any spousal support. i refuse."
Me "Um, yeah, a judge would not agree with you"
H" Don't make this get ugly. If you make this ugly, then that will be IT for us. We'll never have a relationship in the future."
Me "I'm not trying to be ugly. Just saying. Besides, this is all conjecture anyway. We're not at that point."

We negotiate some, sort of agree that he will pay me a year and NOT have it go towards what he owes me and that he will have to give me money monthly and/or in lump sums to make up the difference for the equity. So, then I say "well, here is my delusion. Part of why I want to rent is that I still have a little flame of hope for us. We can agree to the numbers when I move out, but leave things legally alone...{and I see a flicker go across his face}....unless you're in some big hurry to file."
He shifts in his chair. I wait. He says "I think we should file in January and just get this over with as quickly and painlessly as possible." OMG!!!

I say (as water is gushing from my eyes) that I will not be the one to file and pay for something I don't want and he says "oh, that's fine. I'll take care of that part."

At that point I could barely keep myself together so I told him that it was time for him to be gone. So he said OK and left.

And since then, I have been wailing and crying my eyes out in between bouts of typing.

I just can't believe it. Of course, I get to look forward to the shock of him actually filing and then the shock of it actually being finalized. I just can't believe it and i feel HORRIBLE that I blew my opportunity when he came back in August. I totally handled it wrong. Expletive expletive expletive.