WAW says "I'm filing for D", but no papers

[SirPrizeMe]

I said, "I wasn't as nurturing as I could have been. "
and I said, "I sometimes grudgingly gave approval to her ideas instead of supporting them wholeheartedly, some big things and some small."

This is true - sometimes.

Couple examples from our history. Once she was toying with the idea of finding employment. We had been renovating our house and she got the idea to do that to other houses in the neighborhood, buy em, fix em up, sell em at a profit. She wanted to do this with the OM (before the A; remember we were good friends). I wholeheatedly supported this idea. I never pushed her to find a job or employment, but it seemed like a cool idea. I suggested we use my IRA to fund the business. It never happened. I was ok with that, too. Never complained or put her down because of it. so I feel like I supported her here.

Another instance - right around when she turned 39, she was talking about getting a boob job. This is not my cup of tea. I raised my eyebrows, my opinion was, that's a little nutty. (my opinion only - I am afraid of surgery). I could have been more empathetic. I could have been more thoughtful about why she would even consider going under the knife. I recall saying "I love you just the way you are" but maybe not convincingly enough. And if she did want a boob job, who am I to stop her, really? I should have done better on this one.

Once she got involved in a neighborhood project to re-build a park. She did the fundraising, the planning, spoke with the contractors, everything. I wholeheartedly supported her. I found out how to get 501(c)3 status and qualify for matching funds from corporate donors. I worked in the dirt assembling the playground equipment. I shuttled stuff for the garage sale. It was a cool project, and it was all hers, and I was glad to help out. So I feel like I did well here.

When we had our 4th child, we needed a minivan. Since she would be the primary driver, I suggested she go out and drive a bunch of vans and see which one she would like. She did. She picked the most expensive one. I didn't flinch. I suggested she pick some nice options since she'd be spending time in the van. When she picked the model, I told her I liked silver. She liked red. One day I went to order the van, I came back and told her. She asked me - you got silver, didn't you? I laughed. of course, I had ordered the red one!

But those are just the ones I remember. I think it's the many many more subtle times, like when I'd come home from work and I was tense. Stuff like that.

Ah, I still am not sure. I look and don't see it. Menial sins, yes. Mortal sins, no.

I don't think I'm in denial. Darn... Seriously I wish it was something simple, like - "darnit, you're a drunk! Stop drinking before I'll even think of taking you back." But it's not so simple for me. I swear I don't want to avoid the issue. I swear.