WAW staying, I'm leaving to give her space..

[jab]

Still flopping around like a fish out of water

I was horrible at work, couldn't concentrate on anything. Luckily, my supervisor knows my sitch, went through something very similar and understands what I'm going through.

Tonite was the night to hang the xmas lights & decs w/kids, have some hot cocoa, watch xmas claymation. I had so much PMA eminating from me it was silly (not going to say why yet). I noticed one thing about myself tonight that was a 180. I was jolly instead of grumpy untangling and hanging the lights!! I believe W noticed because she was the scrooge tonite. I could feel the guilt or whatever it was from the moment I came home. I asked her if she was ok, could I help in anyway? W only stated it was her turn to be depressed. I didn't let it bother me. Had fun w/kids and myself.

I'll make this short (this is one reason why I was happy, because I've decided):

I'm on the virge again of calling off the move. I'm at the very least telling her I only leased apt to help alleviate her stress, give her some alone time (as she requested) for DUI sentencing and 2) (as she requested) alleviate her burden of driving me to work all the time until I resolve my transportation issue. I'm basically telling her that this is NOT a move out, just a 'time out'. Essentially, I am thinking of this as equivalent to a 'business trip'. I'm calling a lawyer tomorrow for consultation regarding my rights as well.

I'm telling her some/all of this as soon as I get my 'ducks in a row', next couple days, need to get legal advice, etc..:

1) 'my family is my life and everything else comes second.'
2) 'I'm not going to walk out on my family when they need me most'.
3) 'I am committed to my M vows and becoming the husband/father/person I need to be'.
4) 'Me leaving the M and family is the easy way out and I'm not doing things the easy way anymore, I'm doing what is right.'
5) 'Me leaving is the equivalent of what I have been doing for years, avoiding my problems not owning them.'
6) 'I will do what I have to do, you do what you have to do to be happy.'

At least if I do this, no matter what happens I can hold my head high and say I did what I thought was right and I stood behind my values, vows and principles.

Tell me what is wrong with that now, please? I'm asking again if I'm on the right track because this is what I'm feeling.