Long and bumpy road

[blindsided1]

I'm afraid of letting my H go also. I hold tight to that dream that we would have a family. I don't know if you were aware that we have been doing fertility treatment since February. That happens to coincide with when he started feeling unhappy. It was really hard for me because I have always wanted a child, more than just about anything. When I married him, I knew that he had a low sperm count and low mobility. I knew that there was a good chance that I would never have children. I think that's why it hurts so much sometimes. I married him despite the fact that my dream of a family could not come true. But, I loved him. So, after all this time. It finally happens for us and he bails on me. He bails on our family and moves in with a woman that he's know for 3 weeks and she has 2 children of her own from a boyfriend that wouldn't marry her. Talk about a blow to my self-esteem. I sit here and wonder what could she possibly offer that I don't? How could he choose to be with someone elses family instead of his own? How does someone do that?
You will never be alone. You have your children and they will always be there for you. But, I understand about the lonely thing. I try to keep busy with friends, but it's just not the same as being with someone you share your life with.
I also believe that my H loves the fact that he has two woman that are fighting for his attention. When he calls me and wants to have sex, it is the hardest thing in the world to say no to him. Because somehow I think it means he loves me. But, it doesn't. If he loved me, he'd be with me. I feel very used. It hurt to think of myself as someone who's good enough to have sex with, but not good enough to have a life with.
Stay strong. You are doing much better than I am at that. Maybe I'll get there someday.

Didn't you say you were in California? I'm in Southern California.