not a peep

[Trixi]

Thanks for writing MaxP--
About an two hours ago, my H sent me an Instant Message saying he was going to come over tonight to pick up "some things". This is the FIRST contact of ANY sort since a week ago yesterday. (When he told me to go and find a house.)

I held a brokers open today and a lender stopped by and within the context of talking about how she picked her current company she mentioned getting a D from her H who works for the same company my husband does. We ended up having a lengthy conversation; turns out she got 2/3rds(!) of the equity of the house AND spousal maintenance for 2 years because she made so much less than her H. Financially, I am in a very similar situation. They were together for 13 years, married for 8. It was an eye opener.

I don't feel compelled (at this second, at least) to write any formalized letter. I will need his cooperation in getting the bed and bedroom set from him when it's time to move. I think that if I keep my boundaries, it will accomplish the same thing. I think my position is going to be that unless and until he is ready to commit to the marriage, we don't need to talk about anything but business. And, maybe after I move I will end up doing a formal letter, but for now, I'll just make sure we don't go to bed or get too close.

Is that too strong to say that he has to be ready to commit to the marriage? Part of me says "Hell NO it's not to strong" and the other part of me says "well...that might scare him off. That might be too much pressure. Maybe we should "date" first." and then the other side of me says "Are you kidding me? You already did that!!" But when people reconcile, do they say "ok. we are committed." or do they say "ok. let's give this another go around." ? I tend to believe it's the latter. Blah.