Time for honesty & truth for a new beginning

[phbear316]

Hey Azhira

I was beginning you had forgotten about me. LOL

I know it is wasted energy, just feeling really lonely the past few days, Emotions are running on a rollercoaster. Cannot get into the holiday. I'm sitting here posting to you and all of a sudden I look over and find a holiday inn hotel pen on my desk that I have never seen before. OMG, will this ever end.

Is it normal to have get even feelings, like I said my emotions are all over the place this week. Hurt, angry, the worst has to be the lonely feeling are so bad the past few days. I so miss my H, I want him to hold me, I want to hold him. I want him to play with my hair and rub my back, while we lay on the couch and watch tv with my head on his leg. Why has this been so hard the last few days. I just want that closeness, which is gone.

I know, i know what you are going to say. I have to snap out of this, and I will just having a bad few days.

Anyway, while i was on treadmill at the gym tonight, I was thinking the weekend thru, if h goes to wedding, i am going to target and buying some lights for the front window and i will decorate the front window as I please. If h does not go to wedding I still may decorate that window. I think this is contributing to me feeling down cause i cannot get any spirit. and I need to start shopping for mom and dad.

I hope H will maybe say something tonight about play, I hate to see the money just go to waste, BIL & SIL bought the tickets. I will wait until friday to bring them into work to try to get rid of them.

I was going to take friday off (call out sick) but i realized that my H, & his boss,and my bosses have a meeting in my building on friday. I am so curious how he is going to act. So I may call out on monday. (way too much sick time that I cannot carry over and I will lose) We shall see

Anyway I'm grateful for you reading my rant of sadness. Funny I cried as i typed it now I'm feeling a little better.

Thanks
phbear