Had a good session with IC today. I think I found a way to drop the rock......
I spoke with her about meeting with H to go over co-dependency from a clinical, professional stand-point. He had already agreed to meet with her. She asked me to draft 4 points that I would like her to cover with him, the things that I feel are the most important, and she would look at it and decide then.
She is concerned that 1) he may turn around and distort what she says in a rant against me, potentially causing damage in my therapy, and 2) She or I may view her as failing if things stay the same or get worse.
So, we'll see what next week brings. This whole idea has me seeing the end of the tunnel. I had the HARDEST time letting go, or even Letting Go and Letting God....
but I CAN let go and put it in the hands of a "Higher Power"--a professional. Maybe he can hear this. Maybe he won't. Maybe it will sink in over the coming month, months, years, whatever. I suddenly feel lighter--I think I was feeling responsible for it all, still thinking that I had to be the one to fix it.
I don't. It's up to him. I don't even want to know how the meeting between them goes. I just want to know that he got the information that I have been so desperate for him to have for almost a year, to consider everything that has gone on. I'll know that he got the info, and what he does with it is his own choice.
I know that this probably seems dumb; H has shown that he isn't interested in looking into reasons or other possibilities....but if this can make me feel free of it, I don't think it can hurt anything more than where things are right now.
