All I can hold on to is myself, kids and this site

[JoieDeVivre]

Beauty,
We all go through the snooping phase. It's a way to protect yourself. So sorry about what you found, though -- OW2. That sucks.

Interesting that is his own way, he is pursuing you in that he calls and calls you, then is concerned that something happened to you when you don't answer. He could be afraid of losing you, and probably still cares about you. Like most WAS, he wants his cake, and wants to eat it, too.

It does sound like your H is either in early MLC or depression. Why won't he see a therapist? Have you had any sort of R talks with him at all?

For now, I agree with LWB, definitely protect yourself and your children. Take care of yourself and them!

Joie

[BEAUTYandWAH]

What is going on my life?? My mind is going down and up. Yes, I have a good news today. I got raise and it is pretty good one. I am soo happy and felt like I did good job even when my personal life is like roller coaster. So, it is good thing.

MyH (or what do I call him from now on since we are separated and he has no intention to work on marriage.) Yes, he did check on me to since the snow is like 5 inch. And everyone knows I am suck at driving.

In the conversation, he asked about things he is looking for and thinks it is still in my house and said need computer. Not much conversation but I had to tell him about my raise so he will get the message of 'i'm doing well'.

Today I read a book 'Men in Midlife Crisis'. Maybe 20% of the book helped me. The book is really about middle age... so. I have good understanding about a few things. 'he will not come back to the family unless he finds dissatisfuction in affair.' As long as affair is 'better than family things/marriage', he will continue to be 'a**h**e'.

It seems like he is happy to get attention from OW by 'text' messages. I may have to run over his cell phone so he will not get any attention.. hehe just kidding.. but yea, we had run over our cell phones TWICE by accident.

So, my mission is following...
1- make a distance from him
2- continue work on myself
3- minimum contact w/him
4- send my secret energy to break up him and OW-1 or -2

Beauty

[JoieDeVivre]

Beauty,
LOL ... I love your sense of humor...

Your secret energy to break up him and OW is DBing! (If indeed that is what you want.) Remember the A is an addiction. He thinks it's what he needs right now. But we all know it's a fantasy. Unfortunately, sometimes the only thing we can do is let them run their course. When it's over, you may still be here for him or you may not. But if you continue to work on yourself, you'll be fine.

CONGRATS ON YOUR RAISE! I do well at my job, too. I just won an award for something but in the midst of the personal crap we're going through it seems surreal. On the other hand, it's good that someone appreciates us, huh?!

Joie

[BEAUTYandWAH]

Yes, I want myH and OW-1 to break up because I don't like this person. She corssed a important line toward to me. First, coming to my house and leaving things- that is 'no-no' to me. Second, calling me and leaving message is 'no-no'. Thirs,when I was drunk outside a bar, she came next to me to find out if I would recognize her. I was drunk so I didn't know. Before I got home the night, myH already knew I was drunk outside a bar and was flirtring with men. She called him the night and gave myH the details.

And the last reason, I don't want her in my kids life what soever.... She has good intension to kick me out from the family and take over my posision as step-mom/new girlfriend...she has told myH that "your D6 will be happy for you if you break up with 'Beauty", because D6 would love to see Daddy's happiness.

So she did way too much for AW to step in my life already. I will make sure she will not see my children.

About OW-2.. She is too young to be involving in this types of mess if she gets closer I will have to do something about it (of course I will get the evidence of her age, and how much she knows about "married man with two kids, and financially unstable"


When I was 20, I was about break up with a guy who was start living with me right the way and hung around too much so I brouke up with him. When I found out he has new a girlfriend, I had to tell her how this person is terrible. Told her its not my business and I didn't tell her to break up but gave lots of reasons that you should think about...such as giving him $1000 cash buying him things... I told her I don't want him but nobody should date him right now until he is a better man..

I had to save a good people from mad relationship:)

[BEAUTYandWAH]

After I read my last post, I feel like I was emotional/confused/upset... etc etc. I am okay today. I spent day with S2 all day and gave him lots of love, attention and fun. I took him to my work for a while and co-worker adored him. He loved the attention. My D6 is still making a ginger bread house since she got home today and saying she will make 'nice and fun house like ours'. I have good kids They are happy and smiling for me. Good day Good day.

MyH... he just texted me that he would like to stop by a couple hours to spend time with kids. I said 'sure, see you later'. I don't know when he is coming yet.
So, I will come back to post later..


Beauty

[BEAUTYandWAH]

I am confused today because what myH is saying. He is in pain and confused... I think that's what he is trying to say... when he talks about him, most of the time, this is types of expression and I usually get confused.. 'what are you trying to say????' He says 'it's wired' 'i don't know' 'im crazy' very often.


This is what he says: "when i look at everything sometimes it hurts to see u so crused and hurt... its hard to care soo much about u but still think the way i do sometimes... i don't know why i feel like this... plus u have been there for me through thick and thin... i owe u so much for making me into the mature man i am...i cant explain myself... im just crazy..."


also said 'i just need a long time to figure out what im doing' 'not thinking about getting divorce anytime soon'

I thought about asking lots of questions but I thought I will not get good answer anyways so I just led it go.. I am getting so frustrated that he is so unhappy and depressed. I thought he left us to be happier but he is just being miserable. Why my kids, his family and I have been in crappy situation because of him...?

'Revenge' comes across my mind because I just don't see anything good coming anytime soon and feel like nothing to loose.


Holiday sucks!
Beauty

[BEAUTYandWAH]

MyH expressed his feeling that he doesn't care if we get D anytime...


dosen't care.... everything he did is not caring for our relationship, my feeling, and our children's feeling. At least he can do is to respect our final D thing and make it right by involving to the process. I am about to snap and tell him all my feeling that I am p**sed, mad, furious and so on so on... and I don't care what happens after my explosion on our relationship.

Wooooooo!!!! I just want to screem but I got toy-gun to shoot the wall for tonight, that will help me for now.


Beauty

[BEAUTYandWAH]

I am going DARK. Thats only I can do for now. Going Dark will give me more control of myself. I think... Anyone have good experience of going DARK?

[Yoyowife]

Beauty,
I think that is a good idea. I've tried it, but I can't say I was strong enough to stay that way.

[BEAUTYandWAH]

Yoyo,
I feel the same way.. I don't know if I can do it yet. I snapped this morning and had an argument over his lies, disrespectful action etc etc. When I confronted him about his OW visiting him from out of town, he back fired me and said "I don't have to tell you anything"

I feel like going crazy... but I am going to try one day (or one hour..) at a time.
BEAUTY