All I can hold on to is myself, kids and this site

[LL44]

You have had a really good attitude for being so early in your sitch. Good work! You are smart for posting your thoughts.

I see this in you as well, its amazing. I was a wreck when in your stage. You are doing so well, it will serve you in the end. Don't give in to the anger, don't call, don't accuse, until you are officially ready. And even then it has to be calm, or he won't listen.

HUGS!

[JoieDeVivre]

Beauty,
Your ideas for retaliation made me laugh. I would never do such things either. But, if you want to really smile, look at the pictures in this article of what spouses/girlfriends have done to their WAS: http://www.cheatingspousepi.com/cheating_spouse_tips/ (just for a few smiles, I don't approve of this in any way!)

The lies are hard to deal with. They make you so mad. Just remember they're living a fantasy and will do anything to get their fix. But maybe he does want you to catch him -- that does happen. Maybe he's too chicken or guilty to tell you himself. Good for you for holding your anger. If you do feel the need to confront, gather your words and thoughts before hand so you're in control of the situation.

Joie

[BEAUTYandWAH]

f21~ lwb~ Joie~
thanks for the post.
it seems like my biggest obstacle would be 'detaching' from him. There are lots of things I can learn from the website. I am reading over and over until I can really understand how to 'detaching'.

Here is one crazy event...
First two months, I did lots of things which considered to be 'wrong'. I tried to control him over and over. It worked sometimes but the outcome was not good at all.

About 2 months ago, OW threated myH she would move away if he would not choose her over me. MyH told me whats going on and I found out her moving day. I also knew it was the last day that myH could stop her from moving away and be with her.

So,the day before her moving day, I packed my stuff, got kids passport, took both kids to stay at my law-enforcement officer friend. He didn't know the location of the officer's house and also I knew he would not come/force into officer's home even he found where it was. I told kids that we were going to sleep over and have movie night with my friends. They were happy and didn't suspect anything wrong. I left the message to his family that I had enough and was leaving him and mentioned I got passports. All night, his family and he called my cell phone and were mad, crying, begging me to call them back. MyH was crying.


(according to myH..)
On OW's moving day, she called myH and told him "if you stop me right now, I will stay for you" MyH told her that he cannot stop her because it is too much to handle... he didn't know where kids and I were hiding from him. And she left the state.

Sometime the day, I came back. After long conversation with him , his family, I felt like I just needed to get out from the crazy situation. So, I decided to go a road trip with my friend who already had plan to leave the day.. I left the town for 5 days.

Sounds crazy... it was crazy. but I had time to calm myself down what I had done. The night at my friends' old friend's house, I fell asleep on couch for 14 hours (without sleeping pills!)

After the trip, I talked to lawyer, finding more information about divorce for just in case because I knew the problems with myH will continue. And I was right. I checked internet history. I guess he did not log out correctly so one of the site he visited opened. It was OW's nude picture. I got so mad and furious. But I made sure I saved the picture. It was my laptop, so the picture became my possession... in case if I want to make a extra large poster for myH someday. LOL
When I told my H about the picture, one of the thing I had to say was: 'tell your b**** to clean her room! thats disgusting!!!'


Joie, I really liked the website! Thank you. Just made me LOL
I found one idea that I may want to try.. IF I ever felt its over and I have nothing to loose. I don't think I can disclose the idea.. probably Too Much Information.. Nobody wants to hear what crazy person is thinking....

Anyone have ideas? I LOVE TO HEAR YOUR IDEA or STORY

Beauty

[JoieDeVivre]

Beauty,
Sounds like your hiding out with the kids, and the 5-day road trip was an effective LRT! You might think it was crazy, but it cut right to the heart of the matter. I am in awe!!

I, too, found nude photos of my H and OW in my snooping days. It was not pretty. So she has a messy bedroom, huh? That's funny. I'm thinking ... photos ... enlarging ... billboard. Is that crazy enough? (But I would never do that.)

Joie

[BEAUTYandWAH]

Hello ladies and gentlmen...

I have a bad news... there is OW-2 possibly 20 years old. I got little information about her but I really need to find out if she is giving myH money or OW-1 is giving him money or helping him somehow. I am furious.

After I found out this, I was so disappointed what kind of person myH is becoming. I feel like my kids will have a father who is pathetic looser.

Also, I will have to talk to him about his plan- ‘go to grad school out side state’. It is unacceptable as a father of two little children. He does not have any plan of ‘paying child support’ ‘ be there for them during growing up’

Lwb, you inspired me to talk to myH about very important things as a mother of children.

I have to go now but I will be back for more my thoughs.

Beauty

[BEAUTYandWAH]

The sad thing is myH was good guy. Before all this mess, he liked cooking and cleaning..He used to cook big Sunday dinner for us.

He was very energetic, people-person, lots of friends and so on..He used to talk about his day and what's going on his friends, loved to talk about kids' story like silly things kids did or say.... He just doesn't talk much to anyone. He does not call his family anymore. All he does to communicate with them is text to one of his sisters (He asked her (youngest sister) for a loan, $250. and he told her he does not know when he can pay her back!) He has not been in touch with long distance friends.


His appearance even changed. He look pale and doesn't look 'healthy'. His sister thinks he is on drugs or something. I think he is in deep depression.


Most of all, he has little sex drive. In the past, I really thought he is addicted to sex for years. It is possible that he just doesn't want me anymore.


I am very disappointed by his action/affairs but I am wondering if these are something to do with 'possible depression' or 'early mid-life crisis'.... ??? I will never knows what's wrong with him because he will never go see psychiatrist.. hum..


Beauty

[BEAUTYandWAH]

Joie,

I think I am snooping too much that I came to find out of OW-2. I need to stop but I have to know who she is. Its not like I am doing something to her but in case she makes a move, there is no surprise.

You found ow's pic too! I thought I would be the only one in the world. hahahaha

Beauty

[LL44]

I am so sorry!! Snooping is necessary at times, but darnit, it hurts. Especially 'tangible' evidence. OW's H has recorded calls between OW and my H and they aren't talking about the weather. I will never listen to these. Knowing it happened is enough for me.

You are right, your focus is now to protect yourself and your kiddos. No more intimate contact with H, and minimal 'any' contact with him at all. No need to be friendly with this person, but you can remain neutral.

[saffie]

Joie,

Loved the site. As I have said before - revenge is a dish best served cold......and on a long wooden stick. Don't get caught unless you fancy a spell having someone else cook and do your laundering for you - sometimes that does sound a good option though.

Saffie

[BEAUTYandWAH]

lwb,

Exactly! Knowing 'it happened' is enough. and I think I have enough information and no need to know what they do.

It will be hard to be neutral but I will come to this site and be strong !! for myself and kids... He contacts me alot by text/phone for mostly about kids. When I ignore him, he will keep text me or call me and says ' I thought something happen to you." Last night, I ignored 2 phone calls and he showed up at door and said 'I thought something happened to you but I thought it would be awkward if you have a company,....but I even called your work/friend and they didn't know where you were..'

....I really don't understand about this behaviour..why he thinks something happen to me??



I have kids tonight, having a nice and warm family time. That's what kids and I need.


Beauty