Long and bumpy road

[blindsided1]

My H character bothers me as well. I went to C last night and she pointed out many instances where, when my H is faced with being an adult he bails out. I don't know if he will ever grow up. His "big kid" persona was appealling at first, that is part of the reason I married him. I loved that he could play, but what I neglected (or declined) to notice is that he wasn't a responsible adult, at all. I miss him more than anything and I think my struggle now is with the fact that I don't see him coming home. And, if he does, will I ever get over this? That is killing me and it is killing me that he is being the "good guy" with OW. That's how he got me. He was sweet and helpful and full of promises and then it changed. It took a long time for the real him to come out, but it eventually did, especially this last year. I can't help hoping that they are miserable. I know that is terrible, but I want them to be miserable together because I am miserable. I hate know that he is being Mr. Nice and Helpful and Mr. Promise you the world with her.

I know that my H is cake eating, too. I let him. It is my fault that he is cake eating. But, I cling to the chance to be with him, and then I fall back into feeling worthless when he disappears for a couple days.

Are you afraid to let him go? What are you afraid you will miss or lose? These are questions that I have a hard time answering honestly.