new here. Feel like dying

[Dom R]

I'm sure he's telling "his side of the story" to his ic. What she needs to realize ...

i think you should stop right there, personally.
She "doesnt need to realize" anything. Even if she did.. she's not an MC. (obviously, she sucks at it )
It's your husband that needs to have a clearer head, and go to the appropriate person for the problems at hand.

But, h really likes her and says that the mc we've been seeing off and on for 5 years is completely incompetant compared to this lady.

Weeeell... then there's something you can do.
Find out what he does not like about your old MC.
Find out what he likes about his current IC, apart from "she makes him feel good". Then, look for a new MC, with those things in mind.

As for the sex to alleviate the need for porn...I thought I had that taken care of. I looked at the date on the computer and specifically remember that night. He came over, but didn't come to bed for a couple hours. And, when he did...well he wanted to bring out the toys and everything.

Speaking as someone who previously used porn a lot that could actually be seen as a "good" thing. or at least, better than the alternatives.
if he was using the porn as a substitute for you (ie, actually mb'ing to it), that would be the worst case.

Given that he apparently is "only" using it to get excited... that is better on the danger-to-relationship scale, IMO.

Best case, of course, would be if he dropped the porn altogether, and completely focused on you for his sexual needs.

At some point in the future, when and if you actually cared... you might inquire of him what he gets out of looking at the porn, and what might entice him to START with you, as well as "finish" with you.

and/or, take a look at the porn sites he looks at, and try to figure out what pushes his buttons yourself.

Sometimes, its just a pure fantasy trip, and it would be dangerous to make yourself a part of the fantasy. But other times, there may be something there that you could fulfil yourself.