new here. Feel like dying

[DaveJ]

that our problems are NOT marriage-ending problems

That may not be a good thing to say to the WAS. It basically invalidates their feelings no matter how wrong you think they feel. The thing is there are marriages that survive with so called "marriage-ending" problems, and there are marriages that falls apart on the smallest and stupidest things. It really all depends on the people involved. What to you may seem trivial can be huge to the WAS. When you tell them what they think is wrong you are just pushing them further away. You will not convince them to agree with you right now. You can say, I know so and so and they are so much worse off than we are and they survived, so why can't we. Your WAS will say, well, we are not them. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. :P They'll only think differently when they want to.