Yes you're right. The agony would have happened either before or after the split. This way it has happened before and you are right about knowing. It does make a difference. I know I have done all I can, I know he has had every chance. I know what he is made of and that it is not about any OW or me being crap at housework or whatever. It is like grief you have to go through all the stages. Stage 1 is denial and that was where I was at for a long time. I can't remember what all the other stages are but I know that last one is acceptance and that's really where I feel I am now. The strange thing is I also know that when (if) it happens I am very likely to keep up a good relationship with his parents and his friends from before the M. To me this speaks volumes. It means I am known by these people who could be "on his team" and they are happy that I have acted well.
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
