Don't know what I'm doing anymore - Help.

[Heimlich]

Ultimately, your H is going to have to do some work on himself for you two to be happy. That said, your H needs your reassurances that you want to be with HIM. Now, the fact that you're there should be a good indication of your intention, however you were there when you had an EA (though it seems he's forgetting that he had said he wanted to D you at the time, so I don't actually blame you for turning to someone else for the emotional support that you needed) and that plays on his mind. Plus, if he knows that he's not physically your type AND you're rejecting his sexual advances that's cutting to the core of his self-worth and security. OK, that said, you just need to be honest with him, tell him what you need from him and that you want those things from him; that you can't give him a guarantee (there are no guarantees in life, everyone needs to learn that), but that you desperately want to remain married to him, that you want to fall back in love with him, that you think you can and that you think you can have a good life together, but that you need his help -- then tell him how he can help you. Ask him to accept that you're not interested in sex right now, but that you want to be and that pushing you is pushing you away. That you will approach him. That he needs to help you with the children (as an active father, I find it hard to have sympathy for someone who doesn't help with that and then whines that his W doesn't have time for him or feels disconnnected from him -- boo effing hoo. Sorry, had to get that out there.)

And, yes, you make yourself feel guilty. He's obviously got a lot that keeps you attracted to him -- tell him those things too. Tell him what you love about him.

Dunno, just my penny's worth today.

BD