Taking it day by day...

[Hurtin4certain]

Thanks guys...

So the $64,000 question is:

How do I DB while filing for divorce? Im in a predicament that I need to protect my D, but the only way of doing that is through a divorce.

How will my W know I still want to be with her if I am the one ending the relationship?

Im afraid that once she gets served, she will never think of me the same way again and that will dash all hopes of a future reconciliation.

[Larrynarry]

Nah... serving the papers is just that. It takes a while for things to finalize. It can also be vacated if it comes to that.

Did you see my letter? I basically told my W that while I still love her, I can't allow myself to be subjected to her punishment any longer.. if she wants to work things out.. that's fine.. we can talk about it.

Basically told her I was moving on.. if she wants to come back, the door is open for a while. Ball is in her court.

Not that it's helped.. I've had to use other tactics, but I was able to at least express where I am with her.

.02

[Hurtin4certain]

Jar...do you suggest I write my W a letter telling her that I have to proceed with the D and that Im leaving the door open?

[Larrynarry]

It's up to you... I read "Love must be tough" and it gave me inspiration for my letter.

It's all about "letting them go" to get the freedom they think they need. Once they have it.. they supposedly come flying back.

Maybe our scenarios are a little different.. I think I'm just now starting to "act" as my letter said I would.

I left the door open, but I also quantified it with "If you want to work things out.. we can talk.. I can't make any promises though."

You might want to work on detaching a little more though.. talk to your L.. work through some of that stuff.. then think about writing the letter or email.

I don't want to push you one way or the other.. it's all how you feel.

[Hurtin4certain]

I dont know.. I just know when my W gets served she will be livid. In addition, she is the type of person that holds grudges forever, Ive seen her throw away 2 best friends and never speak to them again because of it.

On the flipside, I know I cant just let her continue to hurt our D.

Last night D called me crying again. "Daddy!! Mommy is calling me a baby and being mean to me!!" I heard her mom in the background say "TELL THE F*CKIN TRUTH YOU LIAR!!!!!"

At which my D just screamed again. Again through her tears she said she wanted to come live with me, and that only pissed her mom off even more.

I asked to speak to W and I calmly said "lets not think about you and I, lets focus on our D, what can we do to make this easy on her? W responded "WHAT THE F*CK DO YOU EXPECT ME TO SAY?!?!"

I replied, I expect you to come up with an idea on how we can help our D instead of just cussing me out. She went off again.

I told her that this conversation wasnt going anywhere and to let me speak to D again. I finally got her calmed down and suggested she write in her diary or take a hot shower to calm down.

My W is out of control guys.. she is bi-polar and not on meds. I think she is manic right now because OM is there so she is either really really happy or super pissed.

Im just scared that being served D papers is going to send her over the top and eliminate any feeling of love she has for me.

[Hurtin4certain]

Any advice?

[Yoyowife]

H4C,
Have you thought about getting legal separation? It's not as final as a divorce and you can take care of custody issues and financial issues. Legal separations can be turned into a divorce if need be. You may want to contact a L for a consultation about this.

Something else I would do is start keeping a journal of incidents that involve your daughter like last night. If you don't write it down then, you forget dates and the info. Also document in your journal that she is bipolar. If you write everything down you have time to reflect on and make sure you don't leave anything you want your attorney or a judge to be aware of.

Hugs to you and your daughter...

[Hurtin4certain]

Thanks Yoyo... Im just so hurt that she moved a new guy in a month after being a family with D and I again.

I dont understand why a 26 year old man would want to move from Las Vegas to Greeley, Colorado to be with a 30 year old woman with an 8 year old daughter, and she's still married!!!

Hurts!!

[Yoyowife]

It's hard to understand anything that they do! There is no rhyme or reason to it. We could try to figure it out all day and still not be able to come up with the answer, so the best thing you can do it to protect your daughter and yourself. I know your daughter is your number one priority.

[Hurtin4certain]

Ugh... lost 2 more pounds. Went from 6' 230lbs to 202lbs. I lift weights so the weight Im losing is not bodyfat.


:-(