Looks like the end

[haphazard]

HD thanks for the hugs (I nearly type jugs - woops!)

Corrie thanks too. And HUGE HUGE apologies for never replying about France - it's on my list - you made the fatal error of letting me know the trip's not until May. In my ADD/Type 7 mind that means no need to worry until 29th April. I think I probably need a kick up the azz with the famed pointy shoes.

zuzu thanks for the good wishes it always gives me a lift to get kind thoughts from people here.

Journey, you are right that everything works out for the best and that is one of the things I said to him last night. I praised him for being brave enough to say it. Said something about if you love someone let him go. Then when he said "I think I might have just made the worst mistake of my life" - I said things will be OK.

Dom,

Being very flippant "play things so that he would stay" would be acting like I gave a darn whether he stays or not. We have come to this pass before and I have done various versions of promising to be a good wife, begging him to stay, telling him I love him etc which have made him relent. If I don't do any of those things and just let him ramble on then if he stays it is his decision alone and he is not doing it for me.

He reacts to any suggestions about treating his alcoholism either with denial that it is any kind of a problem or a sweetly made promise that is never acted on.

Lil

Thanks for the hugs - I needed them. You are right of course. I do know that I must go to alanon or some kind of counselling whatever happens. I am not just going to bumbling on with my life this way. I know full well that we ended up together because my self-esteem was in my boots. Not something I was conscious of at the time of course but it is very clear to me now. I know that I have my work to do and I must do it before I go near any other R. My big priority is the kids and always has been, they are the innocent parties in all this, they didn't ask to have an alcoholic for a dad. If he is too weak to stick around and be a dad (not that he is all that much of one while he is around) that is going to be very difficult for them and I have to be there for them. For that to happen I have to be OK.

One thing which has been bugging me is the extent to which these boards have prolonged the agony rather than helped. It was four and half years ago that H dropped the bomb and I could have headed straight for the courts and moved on with my life. The kids would have been young enough for that to be a little less hard on them. And who knows where we would be now? To give MWD her due she does say in the DB book "do not try this if there is any issue of substance abuse". But I ignored her. I do think it would do well for the moderators to patrol these boards a little more vigilantly for people like me - because the DB methods DO NOT SUIT these cases. They just need to do some kind of automated trawl for words like "alcohol" "AA" etc.

To be honest Lil you are the only person to my knowledge on these boards giving any kind of solid advice to someone dealing with an alcy. In the very early days I even posted with titles like "dealing with an alcoholic" but not one word of help was forthcoming. The sober recovery website is excellent


Fran