A no snooping weekend for me!

[MariS]

doa180

Take a look at my stitch.

It is never too late.

My WAH-MLCer had left, started seeing another friend/OW after I confronted him about his out of state A (and not handling it very well - in hind sight), filed for D, with out telling me and was gone.

Now, the D was dropped and he is back home, even though he still has a lot of his crap at his parent's family apt. His drinking has been curbed a lot, due to what the dr. told him.

WAH-MLCer is still in MLC, but it has been a long tough year for child and I, but I see small steps of progress since last August.
I want everything to be right and well, but keep forgetting that we can not force this upon them. They the MLCers have to work it out themselves.

Even if we did D, I would not have given up fighting for the family that I believe in. My inner self keeps telling me to this day that it is the right thing to do.

You have the power to make the decision and choice for you and no one else. BUT never believe it is EVER too late. IF the MLCer doesn't make it through their MLC, you will say you fought the good fight, it was never too late, but you chose not to let the MLCer spiral you into their demise.

Sending you your atta boys and PMA for the day.

[Jeanette1120]

Thought I would bring you some COFFEE over

[doa180]

Thanks!

W just texted me about Christmas presentts and an "fyi" that she has a job interview in her state. I just said congratulations... The last time she had one she said she was stressed and not looking forward to it. I will be curious (from afar) as to how this one goes. I know we need the $ and that she wants to work, and am just telling myself that this is an important part of her process. It would mean a big change for her and for the kids since she has stayed at home with them. Even telling the kids that she has a job will signal to them that something is off.

Deep down I am saddened that she just has not come running back, but I am really working on my expectations and I do know that this is something she has to do.

And by the way - I was home this weekend and have totally gotten past the snooping!

[Jeanette1120]

Your welcome!!

W just texted me about Christmas presentts and an "fyi" that she has a job interview in her state. I just said congratulations... The last time she had one she said she was stressed and not looking forward to it. I will be curious (from afar) as to how this one goes. I know we need the $ and that she wants to work, and am just telling myself that this is an important part of her process.

Great Job! It is important. She needs to discover life on her own right now. Just look at it as her finding her independance and growing. No...not independance from you or growing away from you, but growing up. This is not bad at all. Not all women want to be stay at home moms. She's expressing herself.

Deep down I am saddened that she just has not come running back, but I am really working on my expectations and I do know that this is something she has to do

LOL, yeah....I think we all were saddened they didn't come rushing back to the best thing they ever had!! But were we? Or did we need this smack in the face for us to wake up? It's an awful experience, but it's also a great learning one! Uhm, your working on your expectations or your NON Expectations?

Good job on the no snooping. IT's HARD.

[doa180]

My expectations or non-expectations --- hmmmm. It still depends on the day I guess. :-)

We were talking about $ matters and she made a reference to "if things work out" This is where I get into trouble regarding expectations - because the next sentence involved daycare plans if/when she gets a job. It seems all planned out long-term. But then again it really does need to be planned out in case...

...and so it goes in my (and many other's here) mind!

I was/am really disappointed that she cancelled the weekend here with her and the kids. I had thought she might when we made the plans, but it still hurts. I so wanted to lay a holidy guilt trip on her but managed not to. IN my head she cancelled because of pressure from OM -- maybe true or not -- but it helps me to think that the shine is or soon will be wearing off.

[Jeanette1120]

I so wanted to lay a holidy guilt trip on her but managed not to.

I sooooooo did not just read this

[doa180]

Thanks MariS. I am not going to give up (he said bravely). For me and for the kids. I don't ever want to sit down with them and say that things were bad so I gave up. That's why I still wear my ring. W has not worn hers since July and I think it might be a LRT, but I always want them to remember that I did not quit.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

I think we all were saddened they didn't come rushing back to the best thing they ever had!!

Jeanette you got me thinking with this. Well you and Amy C.

How egotistical of us to think this. I mean there is a certain ammount of 'sense of self' and no not singling you out Jeanette, I certainly thought like this, when compared to 'toothless'. If not the best thing at least a 'better thing'.

Maybe we needed to be humbled, humbled to the point of lossing that particular thought.

[doa180]

I think you are right, Jack. I know that I did and continue to think that way. I can run off a HUGE list of all the positives I bring to the table and a modest list of my faults. It's kind of like that famous job interview question, "What is your biggest shortcoming?" "I delagate too much." Riiight!

It's not easy to look hard into the mirror and I think that will be the silver lining in all of this for me.

[Jeanette1120]

Jack

You were agreeing with me right? Because I was saying that no, perhaps I was not as good as I THOUGHT I was, and yes, this is a humbling yet awakening experience.

I've yet to see a picture of "toothless" but I am sure as far as LOOKS he cannot compare. As in most scenarios of the OM/OW, but then again...looks are not everything right?