That's all good, Storm. But you still have anger and resentment creeping through, at least to my ear.
Before you tell her what you think she is doing wrong, you need to know what you've done to contribute in making this situation. THEN when you have the conversation, it can be along 'No Fault' lines. For example:
"There is a dynamic going on in our M that I think we need to address. I feel unloved. I feel as if you'd rather run a few miles with your friends than spend 10 minutes making love to me. Which probably makes me seem very needy and clingy to you. I would imagine when you feel this from me, you feel a need to put distance between us. The more I pursue, the more distance you need. And the more distance you need, the more I pursue. Can you see how we are doing this to one another?"
See the difference? You BOTH have created this situation, and there is plenty of blame to go around. She needs to understand that what she is doing is a natural response to your neediness. (And if the situation ever reverses, you'll feel the same way). She doesn't need to feel guilty about her normal reactions. But... she isn't off the hook, either.
So you say that 'no fault' statement to her... and propose to her, as getting a solution going, not going to the Xmas party with her, because it will lead to drunk/sex... and you can explain how that makes you feel.
Is that making any sense? Part of resolving the issue is also communicating to her about it... or she is going to start making assumptions (probably erroneous ones at that). So be honest.
