H never came back from Iraq

[MichelleLT]

Well, finals are over. It's so hard to know how I did since it's mostly essays, but I'm not too worried. I'm looking forward to being on break and just working part time.

I would say H has always taken things too personally and been prone to depression. Looking back with my current perspective, I think he has always been good at holding grudges as well. H didn't speak to his father for years, and I'm not even sure why other than the fact that his father is a lying, cheating a$$ and his stepdad is awesome. Another example, this summer we went to Calistoga for an early anniversary trip and H's paternal grandmother used to live in the area. He hadn't talked to her in so long he didn't know if she was even alive. It took me carefully NOT pressuring him before, at the last possible minute before we drove home, he wanted to show me her place. We drove over, drove by, looked around, and he wouldn't even stop and knock on the door, just said it didn't look like she lived there anymore.

Ironically, I would say me going back to school has been one of the bigger issues with him. He always seemed supportive, sent me cards, acted excited about my grades and internships, cooked for me and helped more around the house when I had a paper due or finals, and then a switch flipped back around February/March. He was obviously unhappy but he blamed it on his classes and work when I asked what was wrong.

Over the summer though, after I found out about OW and really started prying more, he said a lot of things that I don't quite know how much to believe. H told me he didn't like my school friends and that school and my friends and work and everything else were always more important to me. He also said I humiliate/degrade him in front of my friends and that the only reason I drag him to school functions and stuff with my friends is so I can amuse them. I was a little surprised to hear about my secret motivations since I only wanted to include him.

I suspect a lot of this stems from his competitiveness. H said when we first started dating that I was a good influence on him because he was working harder on his bachelor's and getting better grades since I was much more studious. Ironically, part of the reason he probably reenlisted was because I am also in the military. Except H hasn't finished his bachelor's yet and I'm nearly finished with grad school. Plus I did go through ROTC and commission and he's only an E-4 and dropped out of OCS. I guess he feels like I've left him behind in a lot of ways. Problem is, I'm not gonna be a failure just because he can't keep up right now.