I slept in this morning and am taking most of the day off work. It is unusual for me that today I am not crying every other hour. I think that is progress in some direction maybe. I am trying to detach myself to the situation to some degree. Instead of being the broken down and pitiful LBS I am trying to be a strong change oriented person. It is encouraging that my WAW is not the only one that has said such cruel things and that all of our sitches are so similar. I am praying for the day when she might consider working on our M but right now I am curious about what is going on with me today. Why am I not wore out over this? Why am I not completly broke down. Granted, I am not doing real well but my emotions are more stable than they were. I am emotionally exhausted but I don't feel as bad as I did. I am trying to let go of my fear and look more towards the Lord. "Build your house on the rock" so to speak.
Thank you BrokenM,Torchbearer, and dh4320. Your encouraging words help me. As I mentioned before, my love language is "Words of Affirmation" (Gary Chapman). Curious thing happened today too. She called me this morning and we had a little small talk but she did not sound real good today. She said that she accidently slept in and has been behind all day. I asked her if there something that I could do for her (basically asking why she called) and she said that she was just calling in to check on me. She asked me if I had plans tonight and she said that she might call me this evening. I am trying not to read too much into it because I now she may feel differently in an hour or she may be back to cold self tomorrow. However, might be a sign that she at least wants to stay friends.
I did a lot of validating last night and listening. I tried to stay strong and positive and just hear her out. I had a notebook with me last night that I had previously written some things down on that we could do if she decided to give it a chance. I did not want to share them after her speech but at the end before we left she wanted to know what was on the legal pad. I told her what was on it in general but asked her if she really wanted me to tell her before I read them. She said that she did and so I read them. She was pretty quiet during that part and I had at least 2 pages. I think she could tell that I had put some effort into it. I ended that part with me telling her that everyone in her life has failed her in their relationships with her including me and even herself but that I was not going to fail the M and that I was going to be the one and maybe even the only one in her life that was willing to fight for her.
This is going to be a long road regardless of the outcome of the M. I have got to find a way to GAL though so that I can find joy in something. I will try to be a friend to her if she will let me and I will try to be strong. I will be leaning on you guys for help. Thank you all!
ME-30 WAW-28 T-12yrs M-5yrs no kids Bomb 10/1/07 S-10/1/07
