The man is in pain, but he cannot heal unless he faces the pain himself without help from you. "You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it."
Fran, He has held it against you the type of life you have hoped for with him. He has a lot to figure out on his own, and you deserve a partner who shows interest and willingness to make it work. I think you've outlined a good plan...listen to where he's at, and don't jump in to save.
Huggg to you. You know, it sounds trite, but everything does work out for the best.
