Fran, I'm so sorry it's come to this. [[[[[Fran]]]]]
Lil, puts on broken record, cranks Victrola
Quote:
promising to be sober
Fran, you can't have a close relationship with an active alcoholic. The alcoholic is not emotionally available on a consistent basis. Take yourself to an alanon meeting-- for YOU. HE needs to deal with the alcoholism on his own. By asking you to "talk" tonight, he's signaling that he wants you to make the decision for him. The man is in pain, but he cannot heal unless he faces the pain himself without help from you. "You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it."
As the others said, "What do YOU want, for YOU?"
Not "What do you want to keep him from suffering?"
No one drinks enough for it to cause this amount of suffering unless they are in tremendous pain. The alcohol medicates the pain and temporarily makes it possible to ignore the pain. When someone stops drinking, they NEED some kind of program to help them deal with the pain, because without the alcohol, the pain is like a 5-alarm fire. Just ceasing to drink will not work. Something has to take the place of the medication. A program, a practice, a commitment, a path with signposts and helping hands FROM OTHER ALCOHOLICS. Within him there's a huge gravitational force at work, pulling at him. He needs something to help him hold his own ground against that pull. This is his work. YOU cannot do this for him.
You don't have to split up for him to do this work, but YOU have to do your own work to avoid helping him and taking responsibility for his tasks. That means alanon for you.
I'm not saying it has to be AA. There are other programs, although that one is the most well-known."
